Heavenly Hazzard

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior, chatting.

"I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."

"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder.

"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that's hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."

'Is that when you swore?'

"No, Mother," says the nun.  "After that a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away."

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again.

"Well, no." says the nun.  "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.

"No, not yet.  As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."

"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.

"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about a foot from the hole."

The two nuns were silent for a moment.

 

Then Mother Superior sighed and asked, "You missed the putt, didn't you?"

THink you know everything?

 

 

                   A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

  

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

 

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

 

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

 

If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

 

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

 

"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The sentence:  "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.

The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).

 

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. 

There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous .

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."

 

There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewable Vitamins.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

  

 

 

There, now you know everything!!

A niracle

          Is it possible that a miracle by the Lord might actually be evident in the mess of the recent national election?  I for one think so. And it might be one that is easily missed. 

          Going into the night of the election, Harris appeared to have a large lead. She was the obvious leader – the woman running for president on an anti-abortion platform.   She had the backing of many stars and political leaders. She defended and supported LGBT supporters.  She promised money and tax relief to everyone.  How could see lose?

          But she did.  Surprise?  But not to God who among other things saw the prayers of believers and saw their hearts.  And he wasn't fooled or deceived and He surprised many of us by allowing Trump to win and pull an upset – maybe an actual miracle. Maybe God feels that compared to Harris that Trump with all his negatives  is still the better of the two representatives of believers.

          Now what bothered me about Harris?  First, her large support by modern and liberal artists.  Concerts, gifts and fund raising for liberal causes that had little to nothing to do with good governing practices.  That is a waste of good resources when people are dying with real needs.

          Then there were her interviews.  When asked if she had even ever gone to the border which was her assignment she replied with her silly laugh and said that she hadn't even been to New York.  What kind of answer is that?  Of course she included her strange laugh.  I guess that was supposed to be a joke.

          And of course, there were her jokes about Bidonomics – that really was not a joke.

          Then there was her promotion of us paying for the sex changes of imprisoned LGBT criminals.

         Now I imagine I may have insulted some of my readers with these honest comments.  But I felt I had to express my personal opinion.  I really believe God did a miracle in this election.  He is still I control.   

Winter Is Coming

         Fall is my favorite season of the year. I love the beautiful colors and the cooler temperatures. But, unfortunately it is too short and is suddenly followed by a dreary Fall and then by the cold and nasty winter.

          But the seasons of the year model the seasons of our lives.  Beautiful days of Fall are often suddenly replaced by dreary and sad days of winter with sudden pain and failing health.

          Unfortunately, I have watched many close friends go through these  days, passing into winter too quickly.  This is happening to too many of us now.

          This fall season of life can be tough. Your close friends, family, relatives and members of your church don't know what to say or do so they often disappear, making these very lonely times.  Often you wish for just a visit or even a phone call.  It's hard to be forgotten by others.  Where have all your friends gone when you really need them?

          You miss church and the fellowship you've enjoyed most of your life.  That gets replaced by visits to doctors and appointments for medical tests.  How nice it would be to take communion once again.

          Your church holds special events such as banquets, picnics, covered dishes, etc., but you can no longer attend.  All that good food and fellowship while you are living on whatever you can throw together to eat.  Oh, how nice it would be for somebody to bring you a plateful from the special gathering - maybe even a hot dog or a piece of pie.  It would show you that you haven't been forgotten during your winter season of life.

          But that's not the way it happens during your winter season of life … because no matter what people say – you are forgotten.  But not by everyone.  The Lord is always there when others fail.  Jesus never fails.  He leads us through our fall and finally through our winter season.  What a hope we have.

          Winter is coming.   Time flies quickly.  How do you want to be treated when your winter arrives?

         

Dangerous

          We've lived here since 1970 and have had few close neighbors – we were generally surrounded by open fields.  We certainly have not had many children. Trick or Treaters have never visited.

          But in recent years the fields across the street, on a hill, have been replaced with new homes squeezed into the open lots.  This has changed our neighborhood.  Because of the hill and the distance we have not gotten to know most of our new neighbors.  But it is easy to watch them from our living room.

          This has caused us some discomfort as we've watched their children who appear to be of middle school age.  They tear around on their bikes without helmets.  They speed down the driveways and onto the busy street while cars speed by,  much faster than the posted speed limit.  Close calls are common.  The hills are probably fun, but dangerous. No serious accidents have happened – at least not yet,  Hopefully - never.

          And when they are done racing they just drop their bikes on their lawn and leave them there.

          Now, should we do something?  Probably not. We don't know the parents and it isn't our business.  They aren't doing anything on or to our property.  So right now we just watch and pray.