Welcome to my blog, or should I say to the ramblings of an old man. I doubt that my ramblings are of much value, but at least I have an opportunity to share them.  So, please be kind and humor me. If nothing else of value stands out in these thoughts, I hope that you at least sense the value I place on a daily walk with the Lord.  That walk is what has provided me with motivation and a sense of purpose throughout my lifetime.  My prayer is that you, too, are experiencing this direction and joy in daily living which is available to everyone who puts his trust in Christ.  So, thanks again for joining me.  Please don't go without leaving some comments here so I can get to know you better as our paths intersect today in this blog.

Saturday, May 25, 2024

Learning Styles (LB)

"Looking Back" is a feature in which I choose a previous blog which I have written, rewrite it and share it once again.  This one was first posted in 2013.


         Did you ever take one of those personality tests that labels you one of four types or a mixture of two?   There are many of those tests around and they use different labels that mean the same thing.  
          The last one that I took was at Awana Commanders College and one that Awana uses. It labels you as one of four colors.  It was especially interesting because after our color was identified, we were given a group project to complete.  And after working with our group for several hours it was very easy to see all four colors at work in the individuals in our group.  It really helped us to see the theory applied.

         Now these tests show that I am an analyzer, organizer, and administrator, and that is certainly true.  That certainly coordinates with my interest and experience in mathematics and computers.  But it also shows that I am not very verbal and there is some truth to that.  I do like to write, but most of my 30+ years experience in working for newspapers involved writing where I wasn't rushed.  I could analyze and organize and then write.  
         The same is true of my blogs.  However, I'm not sure how I can justify that completely with my experience in the classroom.  For some reason, when I was in the classroom, my verbal deficiencies never bothered me.  They would come alive.  I thoroughly enjoyed teaching and miss it to this day.  Of , I taught math which was very logical.  And I think I handled myself well when I was leading our family ministry or when I lead hymn sings, etc.  But in those cases, I do prepare most of my comments in advance.

         I do not enjoy playing most games, especially those where you must perform before the group or those that involve things like trivia and fast thinking.  I need time to analyze and just don't enjoy being pressured to perform or come up with a quick answer. I avoid them whenever I can. But give me a problem or puzzle where I have time to analyze it and I will work and most likely solve it.   
           I once heard a Bible teacher, who was like me, say he was sure that there won't be games in heaven.  I've often hoped that he was right.

          Now besides my dislike for games, my verbal limitations make me cringe when I need to participate in group discussions, including Bible studies.  Folks who are verbal can quickly respond while I sit there listening and analyzing before I am willing to make a response.  
          For about a dozen years I had to participate in a monthly administrative discussion group.  The majority of the participants were very verbal folks who always had responses, while I would sit and analyze.  My boss, who was very verbal but not very analytical, used to chastise me because I didn't participate more.  I dreaded those sessions and the pressure put on me to perform like all the verbal participants. That boss wasn't very tolerant of learning styles that were different from his and I had to learn to accept that.

         Now this might shock you, but I also don't enjoy praying in public or even in small groups.  It isn't because I don't believe in prayer, because I certainly do.  It isn't because I don't share the needs of others, because I certainly do. And I do pray regularly - by myself - and I know that God hears me. But I often find it difficult to quickly find the right words to pray out loud when others are listening.  So many folks, especially women, can just pray so beautifully, finding all the right words and phrases to convey their requests.  Not me.  Sometimes I think others must feel that I am not very spiritual when I don't volunteer to pray publicly. But does the Lord find their public prayers more important than my private ones?  I really don't think so.

         Now why am I sharing this personal information with you?  The older I get, the more aware I am becoming of differences in personalities and learning styles.  God did not make us all the same - fortunately.  But so often we try to force everyone into our mold and we judge them because they aren't the same as us.  
          That is a real challenge for the classroom teacher and I had to recognize this since those who were analyzers like me often excelled in math.  Those who were verbal or had different learning styles would struggle if I, as their teacher, didn't recognize and adjust to this.  But whether you are style yellow, red, green, blue or some other label, God made you as you are, for a particular reason.  

          My prayer (in private) is that you will use your styles for the Lord and that each of us will be more understanding of those who aren't the same as us.

Saturday, May 18, 2024

Milkmen

Years ago, there were milkmen who would deliver milk directly to our homes each morning.  It was a stressful job because of the weather and the expectations of some of the customers.  Here is a collection of some of the crazy situations they dealt with.

 

"Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one."

"Please leave an extra pint of paralyzed milk."

"Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it."

"Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby, and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks."

"Sorry about yesterday's note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way 'round."

"When you leave my milk, knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress."

"Please knock. My TV's broken down, and I missed last night's Sopranos. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened?"

"My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver, or do I have to shake the bottle?"

"Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbor told me."

"Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it."

"From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk."

"My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table, because we want to play bingo tonight."

"Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday... or is it today?"

"When you come with the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out, and put newspaper inside the screen door. P.S. Don't leave any milk."

"No milk. Please do not leave milk at No.14 either as he is dead until further notice."

Saturday, May 11, 2024

Re: Meet the Family

Greetings!
After much careful research it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were:

His obnoxious brother...

  • Please Gogh

His dizzy aunt ...

  • Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes...

  • Gotta Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store...

  • Stopn Gogh

The brother who bleached his clothes white...

  • Hue Gogh

The cousin from Illinois...

  • Chica Gogh

His magician uncle...

  • Wherediddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin...

  • Amee Gogh

The Mexican cousin's American half brother...

  • Grin Gogh

The nephew who drove a stage coach...

  • Wellsfar Gogh

The constipated uncle...

  • Cant Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt...

  • Tan Gogh

The bird lover uncle...

  • Flamin Gogh

His nephew psychoanalyst...

  • E Gogh

The fruit loving cousin...

  • Man Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking...

  • Wayto Gogh

The little nephew...

  • Poe Gogh

A sister who loved disco...

  • Ahgo Gogh

And his niece who travels the country in a van...

  • Winnie B. Gogh

Saturday, May 4, 2024

Creative Scientific Theories


Creative Scientific Theories

These are the results of a "Creative Scientific Theories Contest" sponsored by Omni magazine:

*GRAND PRIZE WINNER: When a cat is dropped,it always lands on its feet. And when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.

*RUNNERS-UP: # 1 If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.

#2 Why yawning is contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out.

#3 The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.

*HONORABLE MENTIONS: #1 The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."

#2 Birds take off at sunrise. On the opposite side of the world, they are landing at sunset. This causes the earth to spin on its axis.

Saturday, April 27, 2024

A New Ministry

          So many things change as one grows older.  Some are expected, others are not.  Many changes are a challenge to deal with.

          I have had a challenge dealing with changes in ministry.  As a Christian I believe that I should be using my time and abilities to serve the Lord.  But sometimes these opportunities change.  For most of my years I could minister with music, with leadership, with teaching, with dealing with finances, and other similar situations.

          But time eliminated many of these opportunities.  The biggest challenges came when physical problems prevented me from going to church or even visiting anybody.  This has been a challenge and hard to deal with.

          I've asked the Lord for new opportunities.  He first reminded me of my two weekly blogs where I have unique opportunities to share with folks around the world.  He then reminded me of my leadership on our church prayer chain where I get to share prayer requests and answers daily.

          But then he provided me with a new opportunity which I now realize is a new ministry.  Last year my wife was asked to become a pen pal with a youngster in the Lancaster school District.  So, each month she corresponded with this young lady and shared with her.

          This year I was also asked to participate and I was assigned a fourth grader from a city school.  Now I don't know much about city fourth graders, especially girls.  But I am learning.  My pen pal is an African-American young lady who came to Lancaster from New York.

          I've observed that there doesn't seem to be any men in her life.  Everything she talks about is with her mother or grandmother.   She enjoys computer games and television.

          But what concerns me most is the apparent lack of any Christian influence in her life.  References to Christmas and Easter showed no understanding of their meaning.  This is what showed me that this is a real ministry for me – one that I never expected.  I am praying that somehow the Lord will grant me the words to share with her that might lead her sometime to Jesus.

          This is one ministry that I really need the Lord to guide because I don't feel capable on my own.  Will you join me in praying for my young female pen pal who needs the Lord?


Saturday, April 20, 2024

Not Luck!

Over the years I have been writing life stories for my grandchildren. I have now completed almost 300 pages for them.  Some of them have appeared in previous blogs and I have decided to share others as I am doing today.             



          Life is filled with many unexpected events.  Many folks will say these events are just luck or coincidences.  But those of us who claim to know the Lord Jesus Christ know that our life events are part of His plan for us and not just coincidences.  Maybe they are even special miracles.  During the past three months we have had many of these special events which have been orchestrated by the Lord.

         If you have been reading my recent blogs you may be aware of the discovery of a very serious spinal condition that could have led to paralysis or even death if it had not been discovered.  A trip to the ER for expected heart issues led to this diagnosis.  A special surgeon who is normally booked many months in advance agreed to see me almost immediately.  This led to unexpected cervical spine surgery which replaced two discs, removed calcium behind three discs which had compressed my spinal cord and the removal of a spur. 
          Even the surgeon didn't anticipate this much damage and wasn't sure if he could correct it all.  But we prayed and he was able to do it all in 4 1/2 hours.  Coincidence?  Luck?  No, just a special intervention by the Lord.

         Now I had numerous limits following surgery, including not being allowed to drive.  I still can't lift more than 15 lbs. and complete healing may take up to a year.  Three days after my surgery my wife had her annual colonoscopy required for her ulcerative colitis.  Numerous biopsies were taken.  PTL, they all came back negative.  And the Lord was continuing to be in control with special blessings or even miracles.

          Several weeks ago, about 15 hours before my appointment to get cleared to drive again, Dianne passed out while we were putting a puzzle together.  We should have called 911 but she revived quickly and didn't want to go to the ER.  The next morning we went to her doctor who thought it might have been a TIA or a brief seizure.  He wanted to send her to a neurologist but I suggested that she see her heart doctor instead.  Then we found that the first opening with her heart doctor wasn't until September.  I wanted her seen right away so they set us up with another doctor in the same group.  He ordered more blood tests and a 24 hour monitor and promised to call as soon as he got the results.

          When he failed to call back we asked to see another doctor in their group and this one reviewed the test results with us and then ordered a chemical stress test.  They wanted it done in their facility but couldn't do it there for two weeks.  So I suggested checking with the hospital and they were able to take her, would you believe, at 7:15 the very next morning.      
     The Lord was continuing to work things out because when her test began we were surprised and pleased to find out that her regular heart doctor was actually on duty in the hospital that day.  He then was able to monitor her throughout the day.  I must admit that this surprise boosted my confidence and reminded me how that the Lord was really in charge.

          There were some problems with the stress test so the doctor suggested that while she was already there they should do a heart cath. If they found a blockage they would keep her overnight and do surgery the next morning.   But when the tests came back fine he then suggested that her electrical system should be tested.  We were then able to schedule another doctor in their group and see her July 3, the day before we were headed to Pinebrook and she was leaving for vacation.  And we were able to schedule Dianne's heart test the day we both returned home from our vacations.  Timing and availability a coincidence?  No!

          So on that Monday, at 6 am, she entered LGH where they went into her heart and examined the electrical responses.  About an hour into the test they called me and said that she actually needed a pacemaker.  I told them to go ahead and they implanted one while she was still out.  Later they did find some sort of glitch happened exactly at 11:51, probably from an external source and they never could figure out what caused it but her pacemaker was right on otherwise.  
          So, against my desires, they discharged her at 5 in the afternoon. They told me that if there was any problem we should call 911.  That suggestion didn't make me feel anymore comfortable, but seeing how God had been working everything out, I still knew He was in control ... and He was.  She actually slept in bed that night and everything appears to be slowly healing well.

          Now she can't drive for at least six weeks, but in God's perfect timing I now can.  And she is limited in what she may lift and she is not allowed to place her left arm above her shoulder for at least six weeks.  So we are a good pair and we often laugh about our restrictions together.  And it appears to be working fine, although I have much to learn about cooking, washing and cleaning.  
          But those are lessons I really need to learn anyway.  The one thing we haven't resolved is how I comb her hair.  All I've ever dealt with is my short hair and so this is a challenge.  One thing sure - I'll never be a hair dresser.

          But even more sure than that, God is good, all the time and all of our moments are in His hands. 

 

Saturday, April 13, 2024

How Are You? (LB)

"Looking Back" is a feature in which I choose a previous blog which I have written, rewrite it and share it once again.  This one was first posted in 2013.


          Those of you who know me personally know that one of my pet peeves are folks who walk by me and say "how are you doing?"  Then they keep on walking.  They don't want an answer.  They really don't care how I am doing and don't want to take the time to find out.  It is just a greeting.  I'd much prefer that they just say "hi".  Sometimes if they pause, I'll answer something like "hanging in there", but generally they don't even wait to hear that.  
          Now a few of my friends answer "better than I deserve" which is probably a good answer, but even that becomes meaningless to those who ask the question.  I've often wondered what a person would do if I responded, "Just wait a moment and let me tell you how I am really doing."   Maybe that would cure them.

       Today we live in a world where we pass people all the time who are living with fears and worries and nobody really seems to care.  We pass them and ignore them, or nod our heads at them, or greet them with the "how are you doing?" meaningless question.  And we probably don't want to be held up to hear what is going on in their lives.  We are too busy or are hung up on our own problems to really care about them.  
          When I think about this, I often think of the words written by Steve Green, "Everyday they pass me by, I can see it in their eyes, Empty people filled with care, Headed who knows where? On they go through private pain, Living fear to fear. Laughter hides their silent cries, Only Jesus hears. People need the Lord, people need the Lord. At the end of broken dreams, He's the open door."

         I had a friend who was going through some difficult times and I hadn't seen him for awhile. Several times I had good intentions and had planned to really ask his wife how things were going.  But, I didn't, she passed by me, and I just greeted her with a "hi".  Then I received a telephone call that he had committed suicide.  I was stunned, but I guess not surprised.  When I look back, I guess I saw many of the signs, but didn't really think it would come to this.  But it did and it is so sad.

       Now this isn't the first time that suicide has affected friends of ours and unfortunately, in this day and age, it probably won't be the last.  Not too long ago a son of a friend of ours ended his life.  And there have been others.  Suicide has become very common in today's society.  And it has a terrible impact upon those who are left behind.  But, in a sense, while I can't condone it, I can understand why it happens.  If you don't have the Lord as your companion, it can be very hard to deal with loneliness and uselessness and hopelessness and illness.  It is hard to know what there is to live for in such circumstances.

       According to experts there are numerous warning signs. •  Appearing depressed or sad most of the time. (Untreated depression is the number one cause for suicide.)  •  Talking or writing about death or suicide.  •  Withdrawing from family and friends. •  Feeling hopeless. •  Feeling helpless. •  Feeling strong anger or rage. •  Feeling trapped -- like there is no way out of a situation. •  Experiencing dramatic mood changes. • Abusing drugs or alcohol.  •  Exhibiting a change in personality.  •  Acting impulsively.  •  Losing interest in most activities.  •  Experiencing a change in sleeping habits. •  Experiencing a change in eating habits. •  Losing interest in most activities. •  Performing poorly at work or in school. •  Giving away prized possessions. •  Writing a will. •  Feeling excessive guilt or shame. •  Acting recklessly.   It should be noted that some people who die by suicide do not show any suicide warning signs.  But about 75 percent of those who die by suicide do exhibit some suicide warning signs.

         So, with this recent experience I guess I have been challenged to be more concerned about how people are doing and if I can't do anything to help them, I certainly can pray for them faithfully.  

          And, by the way, please don't greet me with "How are you doing?", unless you really want to know.

Saturday, April 6, 2024

Rainy Weather Humor


Nothing personal against Seattleites - feel free to change it to any other place that gets a lot of rain.

------------------

A newcomer to Seattle arrives on a rainy day. She gets up the next day and it's raining. It also rains the day after that, and the day after that. She goes out to lunch and sees a young kid and out of despair asks, "Hey, kid, does it ever stop raining around here?"

The kid says, "How should I know? 
I'm only 6."

------------------

"I can't believe it, " said the tourist. "I've been here an entire week and it's done nothing but rain. When do you have summer here?"

"Well, that's hard to say, " replied the local. "Last year, it was on a Wednesday."

------------------

Q. What do you call two straight days of rain in Seattle?

A. A weekend

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What did the Seattle native say to the Pillsbury Doughboy?

"Nice tan."

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Did you know that Cinderella was a Seattle native?

Who else would need a fairy to get to the ball?

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Meteorological experts were predicting a gargantuan flood that would destroy the world.

The Pope went on worldwide TV and said, "This is punishment from God. Prepare to meet your Maker."

The President went on national TV and announced, "Our scientists have done all they can. The end is near."

The Seattle evening news came on and said, "Today's five day forecast-same as usual."

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What does daylight savings time mean in Seattle?

An extra hour of rain.

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It rains only twice a year in Seattle: August to April and May to July.

 

Saturday, March 30, 2024

Rejoice, We Will Be Changed!


          When our body begins to wear out, it is comforting to know that sometime it will be replaced with a new one.  That was the reminder I received in an Easter day devotional in "Walking With Jesus" a devotional publication by David Jeremiah.  Since there are many of my readers who, like me, can probably also use this reminder, I have decided to share this with you on this Easter morn.
          
          "Something remarkable happened to the crucified body of Jesus Christ early on Easter Sunday.  In a flash of glory, His body was totally transformed.  It wasn't simply resuscitated.  Some kind of electrical glory supercharged it, and when Jesus opened His eyes, He had an incorruptible body.  It was the same body but now it was glorified and eternalized.  No more pain.  No more aging.  No more decay or corruption.  It was equipped for life on both earth and in heaven.
          According to Philippians 3, God will transform our earthly bodies to be like the glorified body of Jesus.  The resurrection is more than resuscitation.  It's supernatural transformation of our bodies.  We will be raised incorruptible.  We'll be equipped to live on earth or in heaven.  Our bodies will be mature but not old, responsive but not sick, natural and yet supernatural.
          The resurrection of Jesus Christ provides the proof, the provision and the pattern of our own resurrection.  We will share the glory of Easter with Him!
          Rejoice! Our best days are ahead of us!

CVS part 2

An update on previous blog - After several weeks of waiting and receiving various answers, CVS finally came up with my insulin, at Lancaster.  But they still have one for me at a Berks County store.  I refuse to travel an hour to get it

Monday, March 25, 2024

Customers Various Services (CVS)

          When we first moved into Millersville our first next door neighbor owned the town's pharmacy.  Over the years Skip gave us great service, especially in promptly filling our scripts and providing advice.  We quickly became spoiled.

          Several years later he sold his practice to Todd, a former student of mine.  This outstanding service continued.  Todd had grown up in Millersville and knew most of his customers.  Again, we were spoiled.

          Then, a few years later, Wileys, a small area chain, bought Todd's business and opened a pharmacy.  We got to know Dave, the manager, and once again he spoiled us with outstanding service.  His employees went out of the way to care for their customers.

          But all good things come to an end and we were shocked to get the word that Wileys was closing, with little advance notice. No replacement pharmacy was coming.  For the first time in all the years that we lived in Millersville there would no longer be a local pharmacy.  Little did we realize how much of a problem this would be.

          Unfortunately, our only choice was one of the CVS pharmacies.  This meant more travel and often dealing with clerks who spoke limited English.  Personal attention was a thing of the past.

          A major problem was the lack of inventory and failure to inform us when they couldn't fill our order.  And there was no help for us when this happened.  Several times we had to search for other locations to get our orders filled when our CVS on Columbia Ave. at Good Drive couldn't meet our request. We never had to do that before.

          The latest situation happened a week ago.  My eye doctor ordered an eye drop following my eye surgeries and I needed a regular refill of my insulin. While I waited for over a week, I received five different messages that my insulin was being ordered – with no result.

          Finally, I received a message that my eye drops were now at their store in Shillingon, 40 miles away, at $80.  My insulin script was also supposedly filled there.  I was also told that they could not be sent to the Lancaster store.  Why and why Shillington?  On top of that, I didn't want the eye drops since I had already received the script the doctor ordered, in Lancaster, at just $14.

          As I write this, I am still trying to get my insulin, locally, without any help from the store on Columbia Ave. at Good Drive.

         Oh yes, I've just received another automated reply that my insulin has just been ordered – for the sixth time – and will be available in a week – the third date that has been promised.  What are the odds?

          I think the stress that CVS is causing me is actually making my sugar levels increase!


Saturday, March 23, 2024

Evaluations

"Looking Back" is a feature in which I choose a previous blog which I have written, rewrite it and share it once again.  This one was first posted in 2013.          


If you have ever attended college, you know that some of the professors there can be "very different", to say it mildly.   When my high school students would complain about one of their teachers I would often say, just wait to you get to college.  You haven't seen anything yet.  Many are boring.  Many don't really teach.  Many don't enjoy teaching. Many find all sorts of excuses to cancel classes.  Many don't cover in class what they will test you on.  Many never use the expensive textbooks and manuals that are required.  And I could go on and on.  Fortunately, there are many excellent profs who do teach and earn their pay.

         But part of the college process is usually a teacher/course evaluation.  Now I don't know if they are ever really used by the higher ups.  Probably not, because getting a promotion doesn't seem to depend on your teaching but on the number of publications or research experiments you have made.  
          When I taught at Millersville, evaluations were required for non-tenured staff.  All that I ever received back from the administration was a numerical average of my students' responses for each category and a list of written comments that were made, without any identification of the evaluator.  I never feared my student evaluations and I was often thanked by my students for actually teaching.

         Now with that background, recently I came upon some excerpts from college evaluations that I really enjoyed.  I don't know if they are actual comments or if somebody just made them up.  But I can think of profs that I had who fit the situation.   
          So, here they are. As the waitresses say, "enjoy!"

     1.   "The textbook is almost useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."

     2.   "He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high."

     3.   "Help! I've fallen asleep and I can't wake up!"

     4.   "The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him."

     5.   "The class is worthwhile because I need it for the degree."

     6.   "Textbook is confusing; someone with a knowledge of English should proofread it."

     7.   "Problem sets are a decoy to lure you away from potential exam material."

     8.   "He is one of the best teachers I have had ... He is well-organized, presents good lectures, and creates interest in the subject. I hope my comments don't hurt his chances of getting tenure."

     9.   "I would sit in class and stare out the window at the squirrels. They've got a cool nest in the tree."

     10.   "Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose-spraying in all directions - no way to stop it."

     11.   "I never bought the text. My $60 was better spent on the Led Zeppelin CDs that I used while doing the problem sets."

     12.   "The course was very thorough.

          Reminder – these comments were not written by my students.  Fortunately!

Saturday, March 16, 2024

Why?

           So often in life we ask the question "Why?"  We are often confused by even simple things that we don't fully understand.  Here are some interesting illustrations of such questions..
 
Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get to the Pharmacy for their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
I miss the time when I was working at the zoo. My boss fired me just because I left the lion's gate open. I mean who would steal a lion?
I was in a cab today, and the cab driver said, "I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do." Then I said, "turn left".
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and yet insist on getting a diet coke?
Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens on the counter tops?
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but, darken our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word 
  
Why is it that doctors and attorneys call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called the rush hour?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? 
  
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?  Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains, whereas sweaters made of sheeps wool, do?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
 
Why did I write such a stupid blog?

Saturday, March 9, 2024

Be Careful What You Wish For


This guy was walking along the beach when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal.

He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold it was a very old oil lamp.

The guy started to buff it to remove the verdigris when "poof" a genie appeared.

This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp that he granted the guy three wishes.

"I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates, " says the guy.

"Guy," the genie said, "You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. What's your second wish."

"Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on board GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an automobile."

"That's easy, Guy," says the genie. He waves his hand and best car anybody had ever seen pops out of the lamp.

The genie then asks the guy for his third wish.

The guy mulls the problem over and over. A girl... Nah. With billions and billions of dollars he certainly had become a chick magnet. World peace? Only wackos want that. The guy found a reason not to wish for anything that came to his mind.

"Genie," the guy said, "I can't think of anything now. May I save the third wish for later."

"Gee, this is most unusual. But you hold the hammer, I can't escape from this lamp until you make a third wish. Call me when you're ready," and whoosh the genie disappears into the lamp.

The guy carefully picks up the now-ever-so- valuable lamp and places it in the trunk of the fire engine red Porsche. He turns the radio on to balance the sounds and makes all the other adjustments needed to get his great audio system customized to his ears.

After that, he pulled off the beach and headed south along the Pacific Coast Highway.

Soon he was up to 60, then 70, then 80. The Porsche handled perfectly.

The guy was so happy that he began to sing along with the familiar commercial on the radio.

"Oh, I wish I was an Oscar-Mayer Wiener..."

Saturday, March 2, 2024

An Angel?

          We were just coming home after doing our online grocery shopping.  Because we are now limited physically we've learned to do our shopping online, placing our order on the company website.  Then we go to the store and they load the order, for us, into our car.
          The big problem comes next – carrying the groceries from the car to our kitchen.  We've purchased a folding cart to help with this process. It usually takes us two trips.
          Recently we were struggling with this task.  I just got a heavy load to the front door.  Suddenly a stranger appeared and volunteered to complete our unloading for us.  We were surprised and gladly accepted his offer.  He brought the rest of our groceries in, closed the car door and closed the garage door for us.

          He then explained that he was a workman during construction on a house being renovated across the street.  He said he couldn't bear to watch us struggle with the groceries.  He knew he had to help, and he did.
          We haven't seen him since.  Could he have been an angel?
          Things that used to be so easy are now a burden.  We do have another neighbor "angel" who we know who daily brings our newspaper to our front door for us.  We could use some other angels to get our mail each day or to help clean up the many limbs that are now down in our yard, or to shovel our snow or even to just visit with us.  It is amazing how lonely you can get when you are handicapped and basically confined to your home. Visits, notes and phone calls are very limited but appreciated.

          Maybe the Lord can use you as one of his angels.  Many could use help.  I regret that I didn't do more to care for handicapped friends when I still could

          Beware – handicapped can happen to you sooner than you think. You may soon need help.


Saturday, February 24, 2024

Who Stretched The Hill. - LB

"Looking Back" is a feature in which I choose a previous blog which I have written, rewrite it and share it once again.  This one was first posted in 2013.


         Recently one of our cars had to go in for repairs.  Dianne was very ill and in bed and I really didn't want to disturb her.  It was a beautiful afternoon so I thought I'd just walk home.  It was only about a mile from our house and I had walked that route a few times before.  
          Now I did walk farther than that almost every morning, at a large area shopping center where it is climate controlled and flat.  So, I thought it was no big deal and the first few blocks went fine.  But then I turned the corner and started to walk on Prince St., the longest leg of the journey.  As I looked ahead, I was shocked to see how steep the hill ahead of me seemed to be. 
          Ten to 15 years ago I walked on Prince St. several times a week when I was teaching nights at Millersville University.  It was always a nice easy walk.  But I don't remember the steep hills being there before.  Were they new?  I don't think so.  Did somebody stretch them to make them steeper?  Well maybe, but I doubt it.  Was I now a decade older?  I guess that is a good excuse.

        Now I faced three choices.  I could have called Dianne and said "Help!".  But she was too ill for this option.  Second, I could have kept my eye on the peak of the hills and faced the challenge of getting there.  So often in life it is good to keep your eye on the finish line or the goal which you are trying to reach. Runners in track need to keep their eyes on the finish line so that they don't fall short.  I guess if you don't set goals in life and work to reach them, you really don't accomplish what you are capable of doing.  
          I thought of Hebrews 12: 1, 2, "let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith;" But, I didn't quite feel that this had the proper application here.  The top of the hill just looked too far away.

          My third choice was just to look at the next few steps as I climbed the hill.  The next few steps just didn't look nearly as steep and weren't hard to take.  And that is what I did … little by little, step by step. And as I climbed, I thought how often in life I worry about the tasks, changes, and challenges that might be ahead.  And one can grow very weary doing that.  
          Sometimes it is just better to take on today's challenges.  The Lord does promise us strength for today.  And tomorrow is in His hands. He will supply the strength that we need when tomorrow becomes today.  So, while it is important to keep our eyes on our final destination - heaven for the believer - living needs to be daily, as we draw upon His resources for today.

          So, taking a few steps at a time, the hill didn't seem quite as steep, and I made it.  However, on the way up I was passed from behind by a young lady walking her dog and an "old man" carrying a bag of fruit.  Both the humans and the dog didn't seem to have too much problem with the hill.  Good for them!  
          And, after reaching the top, I found going down the opposite side was a snap.  But I still wonder if I should ask the borough manager when they stretched the hill and made it steeper.

 

(Please note – Since originally writing this blog and experiencing this challenge, I now face a much different challenge – just walking anywhere.  Physically my days of doing any walking are gone.  Now I find myself dependent on a cane and a walker.  I miss my walks but I thank the Lord for the many years when they were possible.)


Tuesday, February 20, 2024

Answers Are Here

Here are the answers to the brain teasers in last week's blog.

1. The third. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.

2. The woman is a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry.

3. Charcoal. This one it tricky. Only old-timers can remember using coal for heating...

4. Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!


So how did you do?