REALLY SHORT SIGHTED

Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.

-- "Popular Mechanics," forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
-- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
-- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

This "telephone" has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.
-- Western Union internal memo, 1876.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
-- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a "C," the idea must be feasible.
-- A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.

I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper.
-- Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
-- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible.
-- Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

So we went to Atari and said, "Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you." And they said, "No." So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, "Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet."
-- Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

This fellow Charles Lindbergh will never make it. He's doomed.
-- Harry Guggenheim, millionaire aviation enthusiast.

Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.
-- Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.

Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.
-- Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.

Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances.
-- Dr. Lee De Forest, inventor of the vacuum tube and father of television.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

-- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899. 

A Very Sad Story

 As I've been trying to downsize, this has been forcing me to review my library of hundreds of books.  Most of them are headed to a book sale held by a local church to raise money for missionaries.  While I hate to see my collection go, I know that it is helping a good project.

A few days ago I found a book that I haven't read in several years. "Life Together" was penned by Robert Wyble, a former coworker and friend.  For many years we worked together on administrative staffs of two local high schools.  We became close friends.

But a good life took a sad turn when Bob's wife began to develop signs of Alzheimer's disease.  The book then becomes a story of their battle with this deadly disease.  Bob became her caretaker and eventually had to care for all her functions.  And he did so up until the time she eventually died in his arms. It brought tears to my eyes.  The story has the result that most spouses fear.

My disappointment is that I didn't know much of what they were going through while it was happening.

Speeding Juggler

A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding.  As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car.

"What are those for?" she asked suspiciously.

"I'm a juggler," the man replied.  "I use those in my act."

"Well, show me," the officer requested.

So he got out the machetes and started juggling them, first three, then more, finally seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show and amazing the officer.

Another car passed by. 

The driver did a double take, and said, "I've got to give up drinking!  Look at the test they're giving now."

FLY EAGLES FLY

 CONGRATULATIONS EAGLES FOR A SUPER WIN!  ENJOY THE PARADE TODAY!  I hope to watch at home.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

My wife sat me down and told me how important Valentine's Day is to her.
She must have something really awesome planned for us.

---

Did you hear about the man who bought his girlfriend beads for an abacus for Valentine's Day?
It's the little things that count.

---

A wife called her husband and said, "Three women in the office just received beautiful flowers for Valentine's Day! They are absolutely gorgeous!"
The husband replied, "Well, that's probably why they got flowers."

---

Did you hear about the person who used to open so many cards on Valentine's Day?
Eventually, the post office fired him for it.

---

The wife said to the husband, "For Valentine's Day, nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace."
So, he got her nothing.

-- 

ACTUAL ELEMENTARY SCHOOL EXCUSE NOTES

"Jerry was at his grandmother's yesterday, and she did not bring him to school because Jerry couldn't remember where the school was."

* "Ronnie would not finish his work last night. He said his brain was too tired of spelling."

* "Eric hurt his knee in a karate tournament over the weekend. He won his age group, but was in too much pain to do his math assignment."

* "Amy did not do her homework last night because we went out to a party and did not get home until late. If she is tired, please let her sleep during recess time."

* "Henry stayed home because he had a stomach ache from eating too much frosting."

* "It was my fault Mike did not do his math homework last night. His pencil broke and we do not have a pencil sharpener at home."

* "Scott didn't practice last night because he lost his tooth in the mouthpiece of his trumpet."

* "Diane was late on Wednesday. She fell asleep on the bus and was taken back to the bus yard."

* "Cody was absent yesterday because we were out bowling until 2 AM."

* "Tommy wasn't in school yesterday because he thought it was Saturday."

REALLY STUPID LAWS

All of the following laws are real. (Apparently, they were passed long ago and nobody ever got around to nipping them in the bud.)

California
It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license.

Women may not drive in a house coat.

New Jersey
You cannot pump your own gas.

All gas stations are full service only.

In Ocean City, it is against the law to slurp your soup at a restaurant.

New York
It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun.

The penalty for jumping off a building is death.

Florida
It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.

Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

Ohio
Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.

It is illegal to get a fish drunk.

Kansas
Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights.

No one may catch fish with his bare hands.

Oklahoma
Violators can be arrested and/or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.

State law prohibits anyone taking a bite out of another's hamburger.

Alabama
It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.

Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.

Wisconsin
In Racine, it is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep.

Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons.

Virginia
It is illegal to sell peanut brittle on Sundays.

Flipping a coin in a restaurant to see who pays for coffee is outlawed.