The Joys of English

       I had my troubles learning Latin, French and German when I was in school.  And at times I still struggle with English.  But, fortunately, English is my native language and that meant it wasn't too difficult for me.  But learning English as a second language must be very difficult.  What would you think about the following if you were learning it for the first time?
          Homographs are words that are spelled the same, but with more than one meaning.  A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym. 
1)    The bandage was *wound* around the *wound*.
2)    The farm was used to *produce produce*.
3)    The dump was so full that it had to *refuse* more *refuse*.
4)    We must *polish* the *Polish* furniture.
5)    He could *lead* if he would get the *lead* out.
6)    The soldier decided to *desert* his dessert in the *desert*.
7)    Since there is no time like the *present*, he thought it was time to  *present* the *present*.
8)    A *bass* was painted on the head of the *bass* drum.
9)    When shot at, the *dove dove* into the bushes.
10)   I did not *object* to the *object*.
11)   The insurance was *invalid* for the *invalid*.
12)   There was a *row* among the oarsmen about how to *row*.
13)   They were too *close* to the door to *close* it.
14)   The buck *does* funny things when the *does* are present.
15)   A seamstress is a *sewer* and fell down into a *sewer*.
16)   To help with planting, the farmer taught his *sow* to *sow*.
17)   The *wind* was too strong to *wind* the sail.
18)   Upon seeing the *tear* in the painting I shed a *tear*.
19)   I had to *subject* the *subject* to a series of tests.
20)   How can I *intimate* this to my most *intimate* friend? 

          And if that isn't enough to convince you that English is a crazy, tough language, how about these?

*    There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in a pineapple.

*    Boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

*    If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese.   So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

*    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

*    If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

*   Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

*   Have noses that run and feet that smell?

*   How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

*   Your house can burn up as it burns down,

*   English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

*   Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?

          And that is just a sampling of the beautiful, but very complex, English language.

A-B-C-D-E-F-G,
Jesus died for you and me
H-I-J-K-L-M-N,
Jesus died for sinful men, AMEN!
O-P-Q-R-S-T-U,
I believe God's word is true,
V-W,
God has promised you
X-Y-Z,
A home eternally

Z Y X and W V
God is watching over me.
U T S R Q P O
Jesus loves me this I know, That's so!
N M L K J and I
I will meet Him in the sky.
H G F E 
God has promised me,
D C B A
I'll be with Him some day.

          And that is the truth in any language!