Heavenly Hazzard

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior, chatting.

"I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."

"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder.

"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that's hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."

'Is that when you swore?'

"No, Mother," says the nun.  "After that a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away."

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again.

"Well, no." says the nun.  "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.

"No, not yet.  As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."

"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.

"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about a foot from the hole."

The two nuns were silent for a moment.

 

Then Mother Superior sighed and asked, "You missed the putt, didn't you?"

THink you know everything?

 

 

                   A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

  

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

 

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

 

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

 

If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

 

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

 

"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The sentence:  "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.

The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).

 

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. 

There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous .

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."

 

There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewable Vitamins.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

  

 

 

There, now you know everything!!

A niracle

          Is it possible that a miracle by the Lord might actually be evident in the mess of the recent national election?  I for one think so. And it might be one that is easily missed. 

          Going into the night of the election, Harris appeared to have a large lead. She was the obvious leader – the woman running for president on an anti-abortion platform.   She had the backing of many stars and political leaders. She defended and supported LGBT supporters.  She promised money and tax relief to everyone.  How could see lose?

          But she did.  Surprise?  But not to God who among other things saw the prayers of believers and saw their hearts.  And he wasn't fooled or deceived and He surprised many of us by allowing Trump to win and pull an upset – maybe an actual miracle. Maybe God feels that compared to Harris that Trump with all his negatives  is still the better of the two representatives of believers.

          Now what bothered me about Harris?  First, her large support by modern and liberal artists.  Concerts, gifts and fund raising for liberal causes that had little to nothing to do with good governing practices.  That is a waste of good resources when people are dying with real needs.

          Then there were her interviews.  When asked if she had even ever gone to the border which was her assignment she replied with her silly laugh and said that she hadn't even been to New York.  What kind of answer is that?  Of course she included her strange laugh.  I guess that was supposed to be a joke.

          And of course, there were her jokes about Bidonomics – that really was not a joke.

          Then there was her promotion of us paying for the sex changes of imprisoned LGBT criminals.

         Now I imagine I may have insulted some of my readers with these honest comments.  But I felt I had to express my personal opinion.  I really believe God did a miracle in this election.  He is still I control.   

Winter Is Coming

         Fall is my favorite season of the year. I love the beautiful colors and the cooler temperatures. But, unfortunately it is too short and is suddenly followed by a dreary Fall and then by the cold and nasty winter.

          But the seasons of the year model the seasons of our lives.  Beautiful days of Fall are often suddenly replaced by dreary and sad days of winter with sudden pain and failing health.

          Unfortunately, I have watched many close friends go through these  days, passing into winter too quickly.  This is happening to too many of us now.

          This fall season of life can be tough. Your close friends, family, relatives and members of your church don't know what to say or do so they often disappear, making these very lonely times.  Often you wish for just a visit or even a phone call.  It's hard to be forgotten by others.  Where have all your friends gone when you really need them?

          You miss church and the fellowship you've enjoyed most of your life.  That gets replaced by visits to doctors and appointments for medical tests.  How nice it would be to take communion once again.

          Your church holds special events such as banquets, picnics, covered dishes, etc., but you can no longer attend.  All that good food and fellowship while you are living on whatever you can throw together to eat.  Oh, how nice it would be for somebody to bring you a plateful from the special gathering - maybe even a hot dog or a piece of pie.  It would show you that you haven't been forgotten during your winter season of life.

          But that's not the way it happens during your winter season of life … because no matter what people say – you are forgotten.  But not by everyone.  The Lord is always there when others fail.  Jesus never fails.  He leads us through our fall and finally through our winter season.  What a hope we have.

          Winter is coming.   Time flies quickly.  How do you want to be treated when your winter arrives?

         

Dangerous

          We've lived here since 1970 and have had few close neighbors – we were generally surrounded by open fields.  We certainly have not had many children. Trick or Treaters have never visited.

          But in recent years the fields across the street, on a hill, have been replaced with new homes squeezed into the open lots.  This has changed our neighborhood.  Because of the hill and the distance we have not gotten to know most of our new neighbors.  But it is easy to watch them from our living room.

          This has caused us some discomfort as we've watched their children who appear to be of middle school age.  They tear around on their bikes without helmets.  They speed down the driveways and onto the busy street while cars speed by,  much faster than the posted speed limit.  Close calls are common.  The hills are probably fun, but dangerous. No serious accidents have happened – at least not yet,  Hopefully - never.

          And when they are done racing they just drop their bikes on their lawn and leave them there.

          Now, should we do something?  Probably not. We don't know the parents and it isn't our business.  They aren't doing anything on or to our property.  So right now we just watch and pray.

Modern Medicne

       As we get older, our medical care becomes much more important to us.  So, it becomes a concern when it becomes more expensive and less helpful.  What do you as a senior do?

          I am dealing with ten physical concerns – some more important than others. Some have kept me homebound and discouraged. Medical care has already cost us thousands this year with few answers and little help.

          Recently my eye problems returned and despite several surgeries I have had trouble reading.  I wanted to see my specialist once again and the only way I could be seen quickly was to travel to Hershey.  He had no openings locally.  So, we drove there on a Friday afternoon to be examined.  I'm not sure if he really found anything but he had some long medical terms to share with me – no real explanations.  He suggested a procedure which would cost several hundred dollars - not covered by insurance.

          He also recommended several items off his shelf – also not covered by insurance.  Then he told me the girls in the office would explain their use when I checked out.  They didn't but they gave me a bag of items and a bill for another $108 for them.  They said I should read the instructions on the meds and they rushed me out.  Now it was 15 minutes past closing time on a Friday afternoon.  They all wanted to leave for the weekend – and they did.  No explanations.

          When I got home to do my own study, I realized that there were meds missing.  After a search I found out that two were called into CVS – at Parkesburg – not even close to Lancaster.  How did that happen? Carelessness!  Fortunately, CVS had it transferred for us.  I still don't how to use all these meds and my eyes are not any better.  But my wallet is empty.

          One of my other specialists cancelled my appointment and the first date open for a replacement was December 26.  I won't be too surprised if he eventually changes that as well.

          I was waiting for a med called in by my gastro doc.  I was told it was cancelled because it wasn't covered by my insurance.  But I had to ask where it was.  When I said I needed it ,des pite the cost, CVS reordered it – for $208.  Just another bump in the road to medical care.

          Since Covid, several of our specialists have suddenly retired.  Our longtime dentist shocked us with a letter announcing his closing of his practice.  Then this week it happened again. This time it was our eye practice that has closed and we have appointments scheduled with them in December.  More changes ahead!

          Well, enough complaining for today.   There is much more that I could say but it won't do any good.   But maybe I wouldn't mind if I were getting any help.  But I'm not.

         But, one way or another, I know the Great Physician is in charge and will take care of me as He has for 83 years.  He knows, He cares, He provides and someday He will give me a new and healed body without cost or pills or tests or appointments or physicians.  No more pain, isolation, or depression.  What a great day that will be.

 

Some Random Thoughts

Here are some thoughts to consider on a sunny afternoon:

 

February is the border between winter and spring.  (Terri Guillemets)

 

The February sunshine steeps your boughs and tints the buds and swells the leaves within.  (William C. Bryant

When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.  (William Arthur Ward)

Some stranger somewhere remembers you because you were kind to them when none else was. (Terri Simber)

 

A good solution applied with vigor now is better than a perfect solution applied 10 minutes later.  (George Patton)

 

 

Fertilizer does no good in a heap, but a little spread around works miracles all over. (Percy Ross)

 

It is the province of knowledge to speak and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen. (Oliver Wendell Holmes)

 

Be kind to unkind people - They need it the most. (Aldo Leopold)

 

What this country needs is more unemployed politicians.  (Edward Langley)
The principal contributor to loneliness in this country is television.  What happens is that the family "gets together" alone.  (Ashley Montagu)

 

Always borrow money from a pessimist.  They don't expect to get it back.  (Unknown source)

 

You cannot fly like an eagle with the wings of a wren.  (William Hudson)

 

Not to decide is to decide.  (Harvey Cox)

 

Work is the greatest thing in the world – so we should always save some for tomorrow.  (Don Herold)

 

An executive is one who never puts off until tomorrow what he can get someone else to do today. (Unknown source)

 

He who neglects to drink of the spring of experience is apt to die of thirst in the desert of ignorance.  (Ling Po)

 

A person who has had a bull by the tail once has learned sixty or seventy times as much as the person who hasn't (Mark Twain)

 

If you are unhappy in your career choice after giving it a fair shake, quit.  Leave it and look for an opportunity that will make you happy.  No matter how well a job pays, if it is drudgery, it isn't worth it.  (Ed Koch)

 

I love acting.  It is so much more real than life.  (Oscar Levant) 

 

Always listen to the experts.  They'll tell you what can't be done and why.  Then do it.  (Robert Heinlein)

 

Never fail to know that if you are doing all the talking, you are boring somebody.  (Helen Gurley Brown)

 

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end. (Igor Stravinsky)

 

Remember always that all of us, you and I especially, are descended from immigrants.  (Franklin D. Roosevelt)

 

The time to prepare a roof is when the sun is shining.  (John F. Kennedy)

 

Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.  (Daniel Auber)

 

There is hardly anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse and sell a little cheaper.  (John Ruskin)

 

My friends have made the story of my life.  In a thousand ways they have turned my limitations into beautiful privileges and enabled me to walk serene and happy in the shadow cast by my deprivation. (Helen Keller)

 

Sometimes the news is in the noise and sometimes the news is in the silence.  (Thomas Friedman)

 

A preposition is something you never end a sentence with. (Jill Etherington)

 

A pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.  (Marty Feldman)

  

If fans don't want to come to the ballpark, no one's going to stop them.  (Yogi Berra)

 

 

 

 

A Beautiful Drive

          It was a beautiful day for a drive.  Fall was just beginning and we hadn't been able to take a longer ride for several months.  Dianne had knee replacement surgery and wasn't able to drive since July and I have had to stop driving because of various physical challenges.  It has been very hard to be confined to our home for many months.

          But I had a medical appointment and had to see a doctor in Hershey.  Now that is only about an hour from home but it was a great excuse to go for a ride.

          The leaves had not yet started to change but the fields of corn were harvested.  Pumpkins and mums were everywhere. The air was cool.  It was beautiful.  We have so much to be thankful for.  Unfortunately, the medical visit was expensive and a waste of time.

          But as we drove, I couldn't help but think of the poor people in Florida who were at the moment being devastated with winds, floods and tornados.  Many were losing everything.  Some were losing their lives.  My heart aches for them.

          And at the same time folks around the world were in dangerous places due to wars and terrorism.  What is happening in Ukraine and Israel is horrendous.  I am beginning to think that the only hope of avoiding World War III and seeing peace might be the rapture.  And I am ready for that.  At least that would also give us relief from the terrible election news and ads that fill our lives.  But I guess that is another topic for another day.

          I have become more thankful for what I have.  God has been so good to us.  Each day I need to pray for others who have these desperate needs and thank God for His goodness to me.  Thank you Lord.

Help, Help!

           Have you ever needed help for a particular need and you received the following response from your friends – nothing?  Or more likely – "I'm praying for you."

          During the past two months we have had some needs. Dianne had knee replacement surgery and since I am not driving now, we found ourselves isolated without any transportation for needed appointments.  But with the help of two of our assistant pastors, an elder and family members, we were able to schedule 14 trips.  While this was a tremendous help, I only had to cancel two doctor appointments.

          We were also able to get help planting flowers twice and another neighbor helped us get our newspaper every morning.  Several family members helped by bringing us our mail when they were in our neighborhood. Meals came from Meals on Wheels.

          But what I really missed was the fellowship of friends, especially those from church.  However, I did have some when our pastors provided transportation for us.  That was really appreciated.  And our family did visit and call regularly.  Two women from church also called and a group from church wrote regularly.  That was appreciated.  There is nothing like visits from friends when you are isolated at home.

          The biggest surprise came when our oldest son took an early retirement from the bank.  He discovered several things that needed to be done at our house.  First, he found several shelves of outdated cans of food that were in our basement which we hadn't been able to access for months.  He got rid of all of them for us.  Then he cleaned out our basement freezer which we also had not been able to use for months.  Threw out those old items.  Then he located cans of old paint which he took out to the landflll for us.

         But he wasn't done yet.  He had a dumpster delivered to our house and he and his brothers and our grandson spent hours cleaning out old materials from our garage and basement.  A whole dumpster was filled and there is enough left for another load.  When my wife is well enough to do steps again, they will take her down to continue this work.  Unfortunately, I doubt that I will ever be well enough again to join them, but much has been accomplished – unexpectedly.

          But, as I've been saying, God has been good to us.  And despite our problems, He is still taking care of us and providing what we need, when we need it.  He responds to our pleas for help in His time!

Some Updates

          As some of you know, the last few months have been a challenge for us.  Dianne had knee replacement surgery which left us with no driver and me as her caretaker.  This meant that we had to find a driver for everything and it meant that numerous things around the house just didn't get done.  But the Lord provided the help that we needed often just when we needed it.
          But now I want to give some updates for those who have prayed.
          First, Dianne is doing much better.  She is in rehab and learning to use her cane.  She is still not sleeping in bed, but she IS DRIVING!  PTL!  That is a major step for us.
          Last week a dermatologist took a growth off her cheek and sent it to be examined.  PTL we just got a report that it is not cancer.  What a relief!
          But some challenges remain.  Because it hasn't been used, our second car is in our driveway with a dead battery.  That is a challenge to get repaired when you have just one driver.

          I still have not gotten any help or relief from my physical problems and I have some new ones to deal with.  I have appointments with two of my specialists in October but I don't have much hope that they will help this time.  I am praying that the Great Physician will step in and provide the help that I really need.  Living this way has been very hard.

          And finally, some sad news.  For the past year a kind neighbor has been bringing our newspaper to our front door each morning.  The delivery lady will only throw it to the end of our drive and that leaves us with a long walk.  And that is hard when neither of us have been able to walk.  We have really appreciated his service – in rain, cold, ice or snow.  But yesterday we received an e-mail from his wife telling us that his dementia is worse.  He is no longer able to drive and he must wear a tracker for his wife to take care of him.  This is so sad.  Please join us in praying for this kind neighbor.

          God has been so good to us and we thank and praise Him for that.  Thank you, too, to those of you who have been praying for us.  We love you!

A Sad Fall Season

          Fall – my favorite season of the year.  Cooler temperatures, beautiful colors, mums, football and baseball play-offs.  Wonderful time of the year - but not this time.

          This year it has been ruined by a very nasty election.  We have candidates who don't deserve to win who are tearing each other apart with an abundance of nasty ads.  And the ads are everywhere.  You can't even watch a sporting event without political ads during every break.  It is disgusting!

          Now if anyone really wanted to fix it – which they don't, here is what I would suggest. Put a limit on each ad – how about 8 total anywhere for each ad before it must be retired, or junked.   Each time it is shown anywhere it goes against the limit.

          I am also bothered by the ads themselves.  I am amazed by the number of mothers and grandmothers who protest that their daughters will have their freedoms taken away when Harris wins. What they are saying is that they want their daughters to have the legal right to kill their grandchildren through abortion.  It is hard to hear people push for that opportunity.

          I am also sad to hear current politicians claim they are going to fix the economy when they are elected.  I would like to ask them why they didn't do that during the past four plus years when they were in office.  Why should we trust them now?

          Well, there is much more I could say, but it wouldn't do any good.

         Instead, I rest upon the knowledge that the Lord knows all about it and that is good enough for me.  But unless He does a major miracle in November, I am praying for the rapture.