Here Comes The Moviprep

I have done it twice before and I guess I'll survive it once more. It is something that every adult should get done a couple of times in their life. My wife has it done every year. On Wednesday I will be enjoying my day with no food and a bottle of MoviPrep. Now I thought that I'd try and share the details of this experience with you, but Dave Berry, a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald, has done a better job than I can do. I will warn you in advance, this story isn't for the feint of heart, it might even be considered gross (or messy). My wife doesn't think this is funny - I hope you do - I need all the humor I can get right now. So enjoy his story about .... the colonoscopy.

"I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis . Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!' I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies. I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening , I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, be ca use MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon. The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result'. This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground. MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I ca n tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet. After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough. At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts; the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked. Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house. When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate. 'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time; the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, be ca use I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like. I have no idea! Really! I slept through it! One moment, ABBA was yelling, 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ."

Now I don't know what my results will be - I did have polyps removed the last time. But God is in control. And I guess I will just learn once again how a Muppet feels! And now it is your turn - be brave and get one scheduled. After all, colorectal cancer is the second overall cancer killer in the U.S. - and that is reason enough to enjoy a date with MoviPrep. P.S. - As an incentive, they usually give you a colored picture of your colon. You could even show it on Facebook (don't look for mine there)! Now that's a real deal.

Are They Serious About Cutting Costs?

We are in tough economic times. Our federal deficit is horrendous, our state is operating in the red, and local governments are struggling to make ends meet. And few above the local level are really doing anything serious about trying to fix the problem. And if they do try, they get ridiculed, people complain and nothing happens. Nobody wants to sacrifice. Nobody wants their perks cut. So all we do is talk, talk, talk. Something has to give before our nation goes bankrupt. And it may take some new ways to accomplish things. I hate the modern term "think out of the box" so I won't even suggest that. But we do need to change the way we operate. Now I think there are a number of places to start and one is with the election process. My proposal is to drop the primary elections. These are essentially just forums to help two major parties select their candidates. And they are tremendously expensive. First they need to pay to rent facilities for each precinct. They they must hire staff for each of the locations - the pay isn't much but it still probably costs $600 or more at each precinct for staff. Then they must pay to print different ballots, provisional ballots, and absentee ballots for each precinct, as well as printing dozens of different forms to meet crazy federal election requirements. Many of these, especially excess ballots, are just thrown away after the election. Then there is the cost of advertisement, preparation, delivery and collection of equipment, compilation of results, and verification of all the voting results. I don't know what it actually costs for each precinct, but with 223 precincts in Lancaster County alone the total cost has to be at least $200,000 for the county. And what is accomplished? Unless there is a special referendum, the Democrats and Republicans are able to eliminate a few people for the general election to follow in November. Now my solution is to drop the primaries and allow all who qualify to be on the ballot for the general election where everybody, regardless of how they are registered, can have a part in the election. Now possibly you might need to make an exception for the presidential election, but not for school boards, county commissioners, local officials or even senators and governors. If the parties need a selection process, let them fund it themselves. Otherwise, let's start saving money by eliminating processes that no longer have a value which matches its cost. Now in our precinct we had 244 voters or about 10%, our lowest ever. That means it cost the county at least $5 for every person who voted. One area district has just 18 of its 652 registered voters show up. So it appears that even the voters are voting against the primary just by not taking time to show up. What more proof does one need? But what will happen? Probably the obvious - talk, talk, talk - and then nothing. Does anybody really care?

My Aunt - The Unknown Artist of Manor Care

My Aunt Phyllis is a resident at the nursing home, Manor Care, in Sunbury. She lives in a small portion of a shared room with two other residents. She has not wanted to stay there but unfortunately her physical needs make this a necessary home for her. She has always been so sweet and very shy. Her mind is still sharp and the days at the home have been long for her. She and my mother were very close and we spent much time together with her and her family as I was growing up. When I attended Susquehanna, she would often help me with my laundry in a time when Laundromats didn't exist and the college only had a few washers and dryers for the entire student body. Outside of her love and care for her family, we never knew that she had other interests and hobbies. But apparently some folks at Manor Care, looking for something to give her to do, discovered that she enjoyed working with colored pencils and crayons. They began to give her pictures to color and she loved it. Her son noticed that she had begun to accumulate a small collection of pictures that she had colored. Then one day he noticed that the pictures had disappeared except for the one that she was working on. Upon inquiring, the staff told him that they would be part of the Manor Care Art Show. What he didn't know was that her work was the entire show. And when they came to attend the show they discovered that Aunt Phyllis had all of her work on display and they even had wine and cheese just as they would at most art shows. She was even presented with a special award and her picture was taken for the local newspaper. What a special honor and a special night for her. I wish we had known about it and could have been there. It is special that the folks at Manor Care found something that she could do to keep her mind sharp and help her pass the long hours of every day. Homes like this can be such a depressing place. Now I admit that we have been surprised and have laughed about this situation. For you see, her nephew, Tom Wise is a well known professional painter who gets thousands for his work. He frequently has public shows and his work is impressive. So, maybe it is the Wise genes. Unfortunately, if it is they missed me. My mother would have loved this event and I can just imagine her and Aunt Phyllis and their sister, Anna, sharing and enjoying this special event. They always enjoyed being together. They would have enjoyed coloring together and laughing together and sharing stories. I wonder if there will be time for art in heaven.

Just Wait!

I'm beginning to wonder, is the economy really as bad as they say it is or have we just reached the point in this country where the answer to every need is "wait"? Here is why I am asking this question. Let's start with my AC service. I have a plan with Lefflers that calls for an annual spring check-up. Our unit is located in the crawl space of our ranch style home and it gets brutally hot up there. The service men always want to do it first in the morning before the heat builds up. A few weeks ago I called to get an appointment and I was told that they weren't yet scheduling, call back in a few weeks. So I called back a few days ago and am now told that the first morning appointment that they have available is June 28 - seven weeks away. And what will no doubt happen is that day will be too hot and they'll have to reschedule it - probably until September. They promised to call me if a slot opens up but I'm not holding my breath - it might get too hot to do that. Then there is my plumber. I need a leaking faucet replaced in my small bathroom. I have no hot water because of the bad faucet. I made the mistake, four weeks ago, of saying that it wasn't an emergency. Three times we have been told - "next week". And I am still waiting. Then there is our tree man, a certified arborist, who left a pile of limbs when he did work at our place on April 15. He promised to come back in a week to dispose of them. Almost a month later, despite a call to remind him, we are still waiting. Of course he received his check from us on time. Then we ordered two large trees from a local nursery to replace the five we had taken out. We paid to have them delivered and planted but then were told that it would take four to six weeks until they could do the work. So we wait while they hold our money. Of course the rainy weather has backed them up and I guess I can understand that. The same must be true of our mulch which we ordered in early April and are still waiting to have delivered and placed in our flower beds. Then there is the tombstone - What a gruesome topic! We ordered it last Fall and gave them a check for half of the cost. It was to be installed as soon as they could pour the cement base in the spring. We are still waiting. Hopefully we won't need to use it before it is delivered. Two weeks ago we distributed survey forms to our Awana staff asking them to tell us if they plan to return next year. One of the options they could check was for those that were undecided. They could simply indicate a date when they could give us a final answer. Simple enough? This was to be returned to us no later than May 8. We need them to begin our planning for next year. With a major program like Awana one can't "wait" until August to do the planning if you want an effective program. As of today we are still waiting for 31 of them to be returned. So maybe it's not the economy, maybe its society. Maybe we have learned to go at our own speed and on our own time schedule, no matter how it affects others. Then there are doctor appointments. We could tell many stories about this but let's settle for a recent experience. Dianne had to make two appointments with specialists. She was told that she had to wait two months for one and four months for the other. In the second case she actually changed doctors because her regular doctor couldn't see her until August. Hopefully your problems can "wait" until a doctor can see you. So the answer appears to be, just - wait. Now there is one event that I am patiently waiting for - the return of Christ. Hopefully it will come before any of the other things that I am now waiting for are actually completed. (But I don't really think it will happen May 20 as some are predicting.) And I won't be like my father-in-law who asked the funeral director when he prepaid his funeral expenses, "If the rapture comes before I die, do I get my money back?" In this case, if they are left behind, they may keep my money ... and the tombstone and the trees. I won't need the mulch or the new faucet or even the doctor appointments. I can hardly wait! Hopefully it won't be long. Keep looking up!

Blessings

Today I have decided to share with you some things from the life of Laura Story, the author of the No. 1 worship hit "Indescribable" recorded in 2004 by Chris Tomlin. The following year she married a handsome athlete named Martin Elvington and began working in music and women's ministry at the 4,000-member Perimeter Church in Atlanta. After signing an artist deal with the INO Records, her 2008 national debut won a Dove Award for Inspirational Album and earned Laura two consecutive nominations for Female Vocalist of the Year, all blessings, indeed. But amidst that success a brain tumor hospitalized her husband in 2006. The faith Story sang about was put through the unexpected fires of fear and loneliness; most young newlyweds don't imagine being kept alive at one point by breathing machines or having to find their way through significant postoperative vision and memory loss. "Life is filled with things you don't expect, but the Bible tells us to respond by trusting God and continuing to worship him," Story begins. "Martin hasn't received complete healing and that can be hard at times when we view God as all-powerful and all-loving. But here we are now saying, 'Yes, this is how faith works.' God has proven to be faithful. We have been truly blessed out of a circumstance that at first didn't seem like much of a blessing at all." And these experiences enabled her to write the following words.

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You're near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe.

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You're near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise.

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home

It's not our home.

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise.

Educational or Political?

As I've said in previous blogs, these are tough times for public education and I believe that public education will never be the same. First it was the pension crisis, created by the state house and senate. And, as I predicted, they did nothing to solve the problem except to pass it on to the local school districts. Then it was the economy which cut school income drastically. Finally it was the new governor's budget proposal which put the problem of balancing the state budget directly on the backs of local school districts. Now schools are forced to begin cutting programs and staff - some as many as 50 teachers. A few teachers and many school administrators have agreed to salary cuts and freezes to help their districts. Unfortunately, most haven't. Instead many of them are fighting back by trying to stir up the public and holding protests. And some of these reactions are, in my opinion, very unprofessional. One of the worst cases that I have heard of recently happened in the Lancaster School District, a district really strapped for income. One elementary principal helped arrange a "field trip" for third, fourth and fifth graders to provide them an opportunity to model the role "of good citizenship, free expression, fairness, and thoughtful deliberation." And who could argue with such a worthy goal, even if the school was in a major budget crisis. But unfortunately, according to the Lancaster New Era, "the trip was not educational. It was political.' The trip was to view a protest rally organized by the Coalition for Labor Encouragement and Accountable Revenues. The group represents union workers and unionized teachers and health care employees as well as many others. They are opposed to the governor's proposal to balance the state budget without a tax increase and this gathering was to protest his plan. According to the newspaper, "Clearly the trip was outside the bounds of, say, the typical guided tour of the state Capitol." Fortunately many parents stepped in and stopped this sad expenditure of vital funds. One irate parent said, "They are using school buses to bus these kids to Harrisburg on a regularly scheduled school day. It's ridiculous. It feels like they are being used as human shields." Maybe they are pawns in a political game. I believe that the principal stepped over the line in authorizing this trip. Maybe this is a good reason to support the governor's plan for vouchers which would allow students in schools like this to transfer to another district and take state money with them. I have been opposed to this plan, but when I hear of such "leadership"in some schools, maybe I need to change my mind. And as far as the district's major financial deficit, maybe a good place to start is to eliminate administrators who makes such bad decisions.

What's A Senior To Do?

$90.17 - that is how much it cost me to fill up with gasoline last week. And I hadn't made any long trips. And there appears to be no help in sight as prices hit the $4.00 mark and keep rising. But I guess it is better than a few decades ago when you could only buy on even or odd days and then you had to wait, sometimes for hours, to buy gas. Then there is my oil bill. My last four deliveries have cost us a total of $2,175! And we seldom have the heat set higher than 68 degrees - usually 58 degrees at night. And this doesn't include the cost of our gas stove on our porch. That bill is still to come. The last year that I was employed my similar oil deliveries cost me $728. Now that is an increase of $1,447 or 303% in the nine years since I retired. Now the major challenge is, that with the exception of some small social security increases that basically covered increases in medicare costs, I've received no increase in my retirement income. Social security has been frozen now for several years and my pension will probably never have a cost of living increase. Now if that isn't enough of a challenge, look at what is happening to retirees with their medical bills. After my first year of retirement, our medical bills, including the cost of insurance, for the year were $6,701. Last year they had jumped to $17,735, an increase of 265%. Our taxes have also increased, by 141%. Now I am not complaining or hurting. We prepared for retirement by living on a very strict budget all of our lives. I have written records which show how we've spent our money each month since we were married. We sacrificed many things so that Dianne could stay home and be a full-time mother to our boys. And that was one of the best decisions we ever made. We have seldom taken vacations, except for business trips, and we have seldom gone out to eat in expensive restaurants. We controlled our expenditures over the years so that we were able to put money aside for these days. And part of that planning was annually putting away the maximum contribution to my pension. And I do have a good pension, even though it will never be increased. And I thank God daily for what He has provided for us. With the loss of such defined benefit pension plans, my sons and future generations will have a much more difficult time retiring. And that is sad. However, the purpose of this blog isn't really to share my financial situations, but to bring attention to the problems facing seniors today who are retired. With the increase in living costs and without any promise of even cost of living raises, a growing number of seniors are really hurting. Increasingly they find that they can't pay for their medicine, or their taxes, or even heat their homes. We know such people. Many are too old and frail to go back to work. And I feel so bad for them. When I retired from teaching, you could find secure investments that would double their value in 14 years. Today it will take about 70 years - far beyond the lifetime of any retired senior. Now most families today are also hurting with these increasing costs. And unfortunately many are tied down to expensive homes, cars, and life styles. Too many coveted having immediately what it took their parents many years to afford. Now many of them are deep in debt and on the verge of losing many of these things. Hopefully many of these will learn to survive by downsizing and living on written budgets. It may also be necessary for many to find additional jobs. These are opportunities not always possible for seniors. But as I view these serious situations for all, it irritates me when the well-off don't comprehend the problems of seniors. I get upset by the teachers of Manheim Twp. whose union has refused to take a pay freeze or even a reduction of their 4% salary increases. Many seniors will be forced to pay higher taxes to cover the raises of these privileged teachers. Then there are the college presidents who are getting raises when their employees are asked to take pay freezes and tuition must be raised. It goes up to the state where legislators refuse to cut staffs or take pay freezes. And it goes the whole way to Washington where I don't think anybody is concerned about anything but protecting their jobs and perks and following party lines. Is there any hope that anybody in political office will ever take living on a budget seriously? I doubt it. But it is a lesson that our seniors are being forced to learn, just to survive.

A Special Ceremony

It was 53 years ago. It was in the Warwick High School Auditorium. It was the annual National Honor Society Installation Ceremony. It was the second one held by the newly merged Warwick School District. Four students spoke on the four NHS characteristics - Scholarship, Service, Character, and Leadership. Each speaker lit a candle before they spoke. One of the recipients that night was me. Many years have gone by since then. This week it was the new auditorium of Warwick High School. It was the 54th NHS Installation Ceremony. The program was the very same - four students, lighting candles and discussing the four characteristics. But the major difference this time was that one of the new inductees was my grandson, Joshua. And I know that I was prouder this time than when I was the recipient 53 years ago. It is a very special accomplishment. At Warwick a student must have a GPA of 3.7 or higher, must have been involved in numerous service activities, and must be elected by the faculty. Now there was another difference this time that could have been very serious. After one of the candles was lit, the candle fell over. Fortunately it was picked up before the table cloth caught on fire. But then it fell a second time and this time it rolled off the table to the floor. One again it was rescued before anything could catch on fire. Now I've had considerable experience with such ceremonies because for many years I was the advisor of the Penn Manor NHS. But the worst induction ceremony experience that I observed actually came when I was student teaching at Shikellemy High School in Sunbury. Their ceremony was a full school assembly and when one of the speakers went to light her candle, her hair caught on fire. Fortunately, before anything more serious happened to her, somebody threw a coat over her head and extinguished the fire. Now I don't remember too many ceremonies - they haven't changed in six decades - but I do remember that one. And I will now remember the last one that I attended because I am proud of my grandson. He is a fine gentleman who presently has an interest in engineering. I continue to pray daily for him that the Lord will lead Him into the field of God's choosing. But I especially pray that God will continue to help him to walk with Him and serve Him with a passion. And that is my daily prayer for all of my seven grandchildren of whom I am equally proud and thankful.

Church Signs

I often enjoy reading sayings that are posted on church bulletin boards. We pass one in particular almost every day that has a different one each week. Some are clever. Some are questionable and a few times I've wanted to stop and ask about what they mean. But I don't need to create any controversy, so I just pass by. However, a few days ago somebody sent be a video of unique church signs. Some of these are funny, some are challenging, and most are definitely unique. Here are a few of them. Don't give up - Moses was once a basket case .... Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will take you back .... ATM Inside - Atonement, Truth, Mercy ... To be almost saved is to be totally lost .... If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again .... Free Coffee, Free Everlasting Life, Membership has its benefits .... Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game. God .... You are on heaven's most wanted list .... Jesus. Coming soon. .... Don't be so open-minded that your brains fall out .... We believe in UFO's - Unity, Forgiveness, Outreach .... Can't sleep? Counting sheep? Talk to the Shepherd .... You may party in Hell, but you will be the barbecue .... Keep using my name in vain. I'll make the rush hour longer. God .... If God had a refrigerator your picture would be on it .... Life stinks. We have a pew for you .... Read the Bible. It will scare the hell out of you .... God does not believe in atheists, therefore atheists don't exist .... There are some questions that can't be answered by google .... Wal Mart is not the only saving place in town ..... and my favorite .... Tomorrow's Forecast: God reigns and the Son shines.

Resurrection Day!

He is Risen! What a special day is Easter when we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus. It was a day that set Him apart from all other religious leaders because, unlike any other, He had conquered death. Salvation's plan was complete, except for the decision that all humans must make to accept or reject his free gift. Easter has always been a very special day for me. I've now seen 70 of them (that should answer my age puzzle for those who couldn't solve it). Many of my memories are of special church services and cantatas. I also have fond memories of the Moravian Trombone Choir which plays on street corners around Lititz before sunrise and then again at the sunrise service in the cemetery at the end of "our" street. Most of my memories were of hearing them play early Easter morning while we were still in bed. However, a couple of years I actually played with them - great memories. This week the Lititz newspaper published a picture of the trombone choir at a sunrise service in the late 1950's. The picture wasn't very clear but I think I can find myself and a few of my friends in the photo. But Easter has also been a time for family. After we were married, my parents always graciously allowed us to spend most other holidays with our in-laws. However, on Easter we would attend Sunday morning services together and then go to their home in Lititz for Easter Dinner. We would share the afternoon together, including a traditional egg hunt for the grandchildren. Some would play games and some took a nap. Dad would update the morning church finances. When the weather permitted, I would take a walk through Lititz. It is a great town in which to take an afternoon walk and explore and I really miss those special opportunities to do so. Then we would eat a light supper before heading back to Lancaster to participate in the evening service which was usually a cantata. My favorite memory of the Easter food was mother's great macaroni salad which she made for the evening lunch. No matter how hard we have tried, nobody has been able to recreate her macaroni salad, although our son Ken has come close. It is one of those things that is gone forever. I really miss her salad, but even more I miss my mother and dad and my brother who are now celebrating together in heaven. We have continued some of the tradition with our family. Generally most of our kids are able to come, after church, for dinner. We sing the our traditional prayer together, enjoy a good meal, and then hold a hunt for the kids. As our grandchildren are now growing older, there are fewer "hunters" remaining, but we do have more "hiders" now. Did you know that egg hunts are also a great activity for seniors? We seniors can actually hide our own eggs because we won't remember where we hid them! But seriously, I hope that you have a blessed Easter, worshipping our great Lord and, hopefully, spending some time with family. Many years ago, Charles Wesley penned these great words: "Christ the lord is risen today, Al-le-lu-ia! Sons of men and angels say, Al-le-lu-ia! Raise your joys and triumphs high, Al-le-lu-ia! Sing ye heavens and earth reply, Al-le-lu-ia! Lives again our glorious King, Al-le-lu-ia! Where O death is now thy sting? Al-le-lu-ia! Dying once He all doth save, Al-le-lu-ia! Where thy victory O grave? Al-le-lu-ia! Love's redeeming work is done, Al-le-lu-ia! Fought the fight, the battle won, Al-le-lu-ia! Death in vain forbids Him rise, Al-le-lu-ia! Christ has opened Paradise, Al-le-lu-ia!" And that really explains Easter. Happy Resurrection Day!

From The Newspaper

I continue to be amazed by things that I read in the newspaper. Recently I read about a city or a township in South Carolina that is supposed to be the only one along route 95 that regularly uses radar. And they claim that they only ticket those who are going 80 mph or more. And during the time that they have been doing this the number of accidents and road deaths has dropped dramatically. However, they have come under fire by several local and state legislators who claim that it is only being done to raise revenue and that it is creating bad public relations. They want it stopped. Now come on - it's only those going 80 mph or more that are ticketed and it has improved safety. That is bad public relations? And in a time when all public bodies are in debt and having revenue problems, what is wrong by charging those who don't want to obey the law? It seems to me that this is better than raising the taxes of law abiding citizens. Having recently driven on routes 281, 30, and 222, I wish PA would enforce speeding laws instead of cutting funds for education. Then there was the article about a lawmaker from Montana railing against the state's drunken driving reform because it is harmful to small businesses. He said tough DUI laws "are destroying a way of life that has been in Montana for years and years." Until only recently, Montana had one of the most permissive drunken driving cultures in the country. Montanans could legally sip a beer while driving and repeat DUI offenders tallied sixth and seventh offenses with little punishment. And he is upset with the laws which are attempting to correct this. Obviously this lawmaker has never had a friend or relative killed by a drunk driver. Now if it were up to me, a DUI would mean an automatic minimum of five years in jail and ten years without a license. A second offense would result in a life sentence. That would really make the highways safer overnight. But then we really don't want to get serious about drunk driving since so many, including lawmakers, do it. Then there was the article about a local man who was pulled over for a traffic violation when he ran a red light. Police reported it was the 21st time he had been stopped while driving on a suspended license. Now come on, 21 times and he is still driving. Why wasn't he thrown in jail the second or third time? Finally, there is the sad story of the 18-year-old senior who was killed on his way to school. Ironically, he was on a highway named after his father, a soldier killed in Afghanistan in 2006. The driver of a truck crossed over the center line and smashed head-on into his car. The driver of the truck had lost his license a year earlier because he had 14 tickets since 2003, most of them for speeding. And once again I wonder why we allow offenders like that out to continue to break the law and kill innocent people. It is a strange and sad society where lawmakers protest enforcement of speeding and drinking laws and we allow violators to continue to endanger our lives on the highways. It always has been a good idea to pray for safety before driving, but now it appears to be a necessity. So beware and take care. The person coming at you might be drunk, might be speeding, or might not even have a license. Today's America - the home of individual rights and freedoms.

Beauty In Ashes

A friend and former student of mine, Jim May, is a veteran missionary to Japan. He and his family have lived in the Tokyo area for a number of years. We have prayed for them and followed their experiences very closely especially since the March 11 devastation in Japan. PTL they are safe and are continuing to minister in a country that has been rocked by this disaster. The Lord has really protected them, especially since Jim's wife and daughter had just returned from the U.S. the day before. They also relocated for about ten days out of concern for the radiation and their children. Daily we read about the huge number of deaths, the staggering numbers of those who are forced to vacate their homes, probably permanently, because of the nuclear radiation, and the numbers of those who have not even been located. Yet, in the midst of this disaster, many are trying to go on with their lives. Jim recently posted pictures on Facebook of his youngest daughter's first day in kindergarten. It was a special day of joy for their family. And he also posted beautiful pictures of the cherry blossom season and Japanese people holding traditional cherry tree viewing parties in their parks. These are held at the request of the government out of respect for the dead and for those currently hurting. I love cherry blossoms and to see beautiful pictures of these in the midst of disaster is very special. I can't help but think how this pictures the way Christ can give new life and new hope to individuals who are lost in sin. Beauty in ashes. The old song by Bill Gather says "He made something beautiful out of my life." But cherry blossoms are short lived. Our cherry tree at our house will lose its beautiful blossoms in just a few days, especially if we have wind or rain. Jim said that one man in the news said this: "Thinking about how these people living normal lives suddenly disappeared, you can't escape the feeling that humans, like flowers, are transient things." James says that our lives are like "a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes." Our next breath and tomorrow are not guaranteed. Each breath and each day is a gift of God's grace and we need to redeem the hours and live for Him. So as you view for a few days the beautiful flowering cherry trees, remember the people of Japan, their physical and spiritual needs. Remember the shortness of our lives and our need to be about the work of the Lord. And remember that just as the trees are blooming beautifully in the midst of untold disaster in Japan, Christ can bring new life and beauty to a life controlled by sin. That is a message we need to share in these troubled times.

Twenty And Counting!

Twenty - no that's not the answer to the question about my age (the product of three difference prime numbers). And it's not the number of pounds I've lost this week - unfortunately. It's not the number of miles I walk in a day - or even in a week. And it's not even the number of doctor visits I've had this year - although it may be close. It's not the amount of money needed to fill my gas tank each week - those days are gone forever. Sometimes I think it might be my IQ, but no matter what others may think, I don't believe that it is. It's not the speed of the cars that go by our house, although I wish it were that low. It is close to the number of hymn sings that we have led at Pinebrook, but we actually surpassed that number last Fall. It's not the number of months until Penn State opens its football season, although the annual Blue White Game is on Saturday. So do you give up? Or most likely, do you even care? Well, ready or not, here is the answer. It is the number of squirrels that I have trapped and removed this winter (see my blog for March 2 to read of my battle). As I write, number 20 is outside in the cage waiting to be transported to a new home. And, actually future number 21 has been sniffing around the cage and eating my bird food. But his turn to be relocated will come soon enough. Several weeks ago we hit number 16 and then it appeared that I had finally won the battle. For weeks we didn't see a single squirrel and I filled my feeders once again. And the birds came back. But then about a week ago the nasty critters returned. But this time I learned a new trick. Before I used peanut butter on a cracker as my bait. And it did work. But now I am using pretzel sticks, since I can't eat them at present, with a wad of peanut butter. And it pulls them in very quickly - usually within an hour. And so the battle rages on. I will probably lose, but I'm not ready to quit. I have to go now and relocate number 20 and then tomorrow I'll reset the trap again for number 21. Incidentally, a few years ago I learned an important lesson - close the trap at night! One night I forgot to do that and my overnight trapping was a success. Unfortunately it wasn't a squirrel. It was a skunk. But that is another story for another day. Time to go and provide some transportation.

Arrogance?

Now if you are a regular reader of my blog, you know that I've commented frequently about teacher pay and the major deficits schools and states are facing. Unfortunately, many of my predictions are now coming true and education is in serious trouble. And it will get worse, but that is a subject for another day. Instead I can't help but comment on the actions of an area school district which I won't name here. It is a district that has loads of money, loads of expensive housing developments, and loads of professionals living within the district. Many of us have often felt that this district has often displayed arrogant attitudes and they appear to be mostly concerned about their high achievers. There are three recent situations that confirm my feelings. The first was the incident where many of their students refused to say the Pledge to our flag or even show respect for those that did. I commented on this several weeks ago when this attitude made the newspaper. The second happened recently when their School Board announced some programs that would be eliminated. One of their decisions was to drop a work-study program to save money. This program was for those not planning on going to college. At the same time they announced that they would introduce the International Baccalaureate program because some of their high achievers were not being challenged enough. Drop a program for low achievers while adding one for high achievers in a year when major cuts are needed? Something just doesn't seem right or fair about this action. Then the third thing happened just last week. A few months ago I suggested that the best things teachers could do statewide was to turn down their pay raises for the coming year to help districts with their major deficits. I was very pleased when Hempfield teachers first agreed to do so. This was followed by several other districts, including my school, Penn Manor. But one school refused to take a freeze or even cut their raises from 3.9% to 2%. And, as you have probably guessed, it is the same district that I referred to in the two actions above. How could they, probably the teachers with the highest salaries in the county, refuse to reduce their pay to help their district and senior taxpayers, especially when other schools are doing so? To me, no matter what they say, this decision is just plain arrogance. They have done nothing to refute the opinion that so many have about their district. Now they claim that they want several things before they will consider a freeze or reduction and they might eventually accept something. But to me, and much of the public, the damage has already been done. I have always said that a district like mine, with no industry and so much tax-exempt property (Millersville University, PPL, etc.), has done so much more with their limited resources than a district like this one with all its advantages. But when you have a professional population with college expectations, you can look superior without doing much. Teaching them and riding their achievements is easy. Unfortunately, most folks and most media don't realize that, or at least won't say so. But actions like these I think begin to expose the truth. But after all of that, what does it really matter to me? I didn't work in that district ... I don't live in that district ... I don't pay taxes to that district ... none of my grandkids are in that district ... fortunately!

Welcome Back Baseball

It's hard to believe but it is already the start of another baseball season. And to celebrate, I am sharing one of my favorite baseball stories. Enjoy! ... Two 90-year-old men, Moe and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Joe is dying, Moe visits him every day. One day Moe says, "Joe, we both loved baseball all our lives, and we played minor league ball together for so many years. Please do me one favor - when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's baseball there." Joe looks up at Moe from his deathbed, "Moe, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you." Shortly after that, Joe passes on. At midnight a couple of nights later, Moe is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Moe, Moe." "Who is it?" asks Moe, sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?" "Moe -- it's me, Joe." "You're not Joe. Joe just died." "I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice. "Joe! Where are you?" "In Heaven," replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news." "Tell me the good news first," says Moe. "The good news," Joe says, "is that there IS baseball in Heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play baseball all we want, and we never get tired." "That's fantastic," says Moe. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?" ... "You're pitching Tuesday."

Another Year!

Except for the birthdays of our grandchildren, we've never made a big fuss about birthdays. They just are like any other day of the year to us. Although I guess that having them is a good thing. Some folks worry about things like hitting the big 30 or 50. Others have special "Over the Hill" parties when they reach 40. For me, those "memorable" dates have just come and gone without fanfare. But today I have another one of those "special" birthdays that some would get very excited about. We will celebrate it by working at Awana tonight. I don't mind telling you my age, but as a former math teacher I'll challenge you to figure it out. Here is your clue. This birthday is the product of three different prime numbers. One more hint - one of the primes isn't 11. Like most people, I used to think that this age was old. But I no longer view it that way, except for the way my body feels much of the time. But there are many advantages to getting old. First, you can get senior discounts at many restaurants. You can keep repeating yourself. Things you buy now won't wear out. You no longer think of speed limits as challenges. You can keep repeating yourself. Your eyes won't get much worse. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. You can keep repeating yourself. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up. You can wear black socks with sandals. You can quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room. You can keep repeating yourself. You smile all the time because you can't hear what anybody is saying. But all kidding aside, there are some serious realities of getting older. (1) One is that few people want or need you or value your experience, wisdom, or advice anymore. Now it is true that some old folks won't step aside from their positions, share the work, or train replacements. But many are ready to "put seniors out to pasture" and replace them. Today youth is in and seniors generally aren't really needed for anything important. The church in particular often fails to take advantage of this potential valuable resource. (2) Another problem is the reality that 80% or more of your life is now past and there is so much that you still would like to do - your bucket list. Sometimes health or finances or lack of opportunities prevent you from accomplishing all that you desire. But really your best years are still ahead, and probably not too far ahead. Heaven looks better every day. (3) Then there is the serious concern of how your trip to that perfect destination will go. Will you suffer? Will your mind stay sharp? Will others need to provide for your care? Will you lose your spouse? But the Lord can prepare us for this and God is faithful. When you reflect upon how He has taken care of you through many years, you can rest in the confidence that He will continue to care for you in the days ahead. You are His workmanship and He has a plan just for you. (4) Finally there is the difficult fact that the number of your really close friends becomes less because so many of them have already been taken home. I do rejoice that so many of my family members and friends are already with the Lord. But, I do miss them and I realize that I now have many fewer real friends here than I used to have. This limits your fellowship and companionship and can create loneliness at a time when you might need it the most. Young folks don't want to spend time with seniors. However, I guess at times the lack of close friends can also be an advantage. A reporter asked a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" The elderly woman replied, "No peer pressure." Maybe some peer pressure would be good for us at times. We need to be sure that we don't become nasty or bitter as many seniors do. Hopefully others will see the joy of the Lord in us - even though we are old. The secret to aging and finishing well is summed up by one of my favorite hymns. "Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth, Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide; Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside! Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness! Morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed Thy hand hath provided; Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me! PTL! And since I am old, I may repeat myself. PTL! ... PTL!

And The Reviews Are In!

It started in 2004 after we had just returned late in March from a vacation to Florida. For April Fool's Day I sent out a message that we had enjoyed Florida so much that we had purchased a home there and would be moving there within a few weeks. The response was unbelievable. Friends couldn't believe it. Many called and some even cried. The church administration planned to call a meeting to see who would replace us in Awana. And since then my April Fool's Day fun has continued annually with less successful messages on taxes on bulk prayer chain e-mails, taxes on gum, and a variety of other issues. This year's prank - The Taco Liberty Bell - was not original (see my April 1 blog). I found the idea on the internet and personalized it. Unfortunately, too many folks now anticipate this trick and aren't fooled. Here are some of the responses I've received this year. ... "Not this time but I sure came close! Great job as usual and great fun anticipating!" ... "Your reputation precedes you this time Barry!" ... "Another good one Barry. Gee I wonder what the date is." ... "It is always the day after our anniversary, so I've got your number by now." ... "Taco Liberty Bell? Not going to go there, Barry! Funny though! Enjoy getting these every year! Don't stop, even if few people actually fall for it! It just adds a little humor to the day." ... "I know Barry. What is next the McDonald Gate Bridge since they both have golden arches?! Happy April 1st!!" ... Now there is an idea for another year. ... "I knew all along it was going to be an April fools joke. But I had to click on the link any ways." ... And then there are those that are internet savvy, at least almost internet savvy ... "APRIL FOOLS DAY!!! (I check EVERYTHING I read online against Snopes!!)" ... "You are so bad!!!!!!!!! I went to your site but I was thinking I really should go through Snopes.com first to make sure!!! Good one!! Have a "foolish" day!!" ... Some had good advice to offer to me ... "Do you think about April fool's day all year? You do it to us every year and there are still those who fall hook, line and sinker. Some year you need to research something very odd but very true. Now that would be a good April fool's day joke. Have a great day." ... "You have too much time on your hands. Why don't YOU start some Mac workshops!?!" ... Then there was a "new" friend who hadn't received one from me before. Her response was ... "Are you aware that this is an April Fool's hoax?" ... Unfortunately, she, like so many of my readers, didn't click on the link that explained this. It also had a counter to see how many went there. Unfortunately, fewer than half of those who received my e-mail did. I guess they thought the whole thing was just disgusting. (I won't say that they were poor sports! Maybe they just don't enjoy a good joke!). But there were some who did get tricked and their comments were great. ... "You are too funny Barry. That was cute." .. "I have to tell you, I fell for it and I was upset about it. I was home schooling the kids when I read it. I told them about the email and said I could not believe they would mess with a national monument like that. I said "that's a part of history." Ha ha ha Barry. You got me. (it was my husband that clued me in that it was actually a hoax)." ... "Yesterday my husband said to beware of Barry on April Fools Day, he will be out to get us. Well, you got me ... of course that is not very hard to do." ... "I really did know I wasn't the sharpest tac in the box, but you've made me feel really, really dull. :) You're very, very persuasive in your writing!!!! :)" ... "I must tell you, my husband was telling me about your e-mail this morning (he hadn't clicked on your link), and he was a bit "worked up" about the Liberty Bell being called the "Taco Liberty Bell". He bought it …. Hook, line, and sinker. I'll just say, you better watch your back." ... So I am now watching my back. Not sure if I'll try this one more year or not. But if I do, be a sport and humor me. And have a good laugh - we all need to do that daily. And by the way, here is one for you to check out that I think is good, http://chocoley.com/onlinesamples, especially for you chocolate lovers. And finally, if you wonder what the dog picture had to do with this blog, I'll quit with one final response that I received ... "the Taco Bell dog says, "Yo quiero Taco Bell?""

The Downward Spiral

Dear friends, we are living in very difficult economic times when business failures and deep budget cuts are in the news daily. In recent years we have become used to major corporations purchasing naming rights to bail out sports venues, such as Citizens Bank Park or Lincoln Financial Field or the Capital One Bowl or even the Konica Minolta Gator Bowl. Local high schools are now also selling naming rights for their athletic fields to bring in additional income. At Penn Manor the baseball field is now known as Turkey Hill Field. But now, in my estimation, this trend has gone too far. To cut the national deficit, Congress is now said to support selling naming rights to many of our national monuments. One of the first to jump at this opportunity is the fast food chain Taco Bell. They have offered to purchase the naming rights for the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia. It will then be known as the Taco Liberty Bell. This is so sad. If you feel the same as I do, please join me in signing a petition to oppose this by clicking on the site LIBERTY BELL. Thanks for your support.