A Very Sad Story

 As I've been trying to downsize, this has been forcing me to review my library of hundreds of books.  Most of them are headed to a book sale held by a local church to raise money for missionaries.  While I hate to see my collection go, I know that it is helping a good project.

A few days ago I found a book that I haven't read in several years. "Life Together" was penned by Robert Wyble, a former coworker and friend.  For many years we worked together on administrative staffs of two local high schools.  We became close friends.

But a good life took a sad turn when Bob's wife began to develop signs of Alzheimer's disease.  The book then becomes a story of their battle with this deadly disease.  Bob became her caretaker and eventually had to care for all her functions.  And he did so up until the time she eventually died in his arms. It brought tears to my eyes.  The story has the result that most spouses fear.

My disappointment is that I didn't know much of what they were going through while it was happening.

Speeding Juggler

A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding.  As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car.

"What are those for?" she asked suspiciously.

"I'm a juggler," the man replied.  "I use those in my act."

"Well, show me," the officer requested.

So he got out the machetes and started juggling them, first three, then more, finally seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show and amazing the officer.

Another car passed by. 

The driver did a double take, and said, "I've got to give up drinking!  Look at the test they're giving now."

FLY EAGLES FLY

 CONGRATULATIONS EAGLES FOR A SUPER WIN!  ENJOY THE PARADE TODAY!  I hope to watch at home.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

My wife sat me down and told me how important Valentine's Day is to her.
She must have something really awesome planned for us.

---

Did you hear about the man who bought his girlfriend beads for an abacus for Valentine's Day?
It's the little things that count.

---

A wife called her husband and said, "Three women in the office just received beautiful flowers for Valentine's Day! They are absolutely gorgeous!"
The husband replied, "Well, that's probably why they got flowers."

---

Did you hear about the person who used to open so many cards on Valentine's Day?
Eventually, the post office fired him for it.

---

The wife said to the husband, "For Valentine's Day, nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace."
So, he got her nothing.

-- 

ACTUAL ELEMENTARY SCHOOL EXCUSE NOTES

"Jerry was at his grandmother's yesterday, and she did not bring him to school because Jerry couldn't remember where the school was."

* "Ronnie would not finish his work last night. He said his brain was too tired of spelling."

* "Eric hurt his knee in a karate tournament over the weekend. He won his age group, but was in too much pain to do his math assignment."

* "Amy did not do her homework last night because we went out to a party and did not get home until late. If she is tired, please let her sleep during recess time."

* "Henry stayed home because he had a stomach ache from eating too much frosting."

* "It was my fault Mike did not do his math homework last night. His pencil broke and we do not have a pencil sharpener at home."

* "Scott didn't practice last night because he lost his tooth in the mouthpiece of his trumpet."

* "Diane was late on Wednesday. She fell asleep on the bus and was taken back to the bus yard."

* "Cody was absent yesterday because we were out bowling until 2 AM."

* "Tommy wasn't in school yesterday because he thought it was Saturday."

REALLY STUPID LAWS

All of the following laws are real. (Apparently, they were passed long ago and nobody ever got around to nipping them in the bud.)

California
It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license.

Women may not drive in a house coat.

New Jersey
You cannot pump your own gas.

All gas stations are full service only.

In Ocean City, it is against the law to slurp your soup at a restaurant.

New York
It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun.

The penalty for jumping off a building is death.

Florida
It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.

Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

Ohio
Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.

It is illegal to get a fish drunk.

Kansas
Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights.

No one may catch fish with his bare hands.

Oklahoma
Violators can be arrested and/or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.

State law prohibits anyone taking a bite out of another's hamburger.

Alabama
It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.

Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.

Wisconsin
In Racine, it is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep.

Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons.

Virginia
It is illegal to sell peanut brittle on Sundays.

Flipping a coin in a restaurant to see who pays for coffee is outlawed.

TOP INSPIRATIONAL MESSAGES NOT HEARD AT WORK

(17) There is no "I" in "teamwork"...But there is in "management kiss-up". (16) If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday. (15) The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts. (14) Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done.  Doing the job WRONG 14 times gives you job security. (13) If you think we're a bad company, you should see the competition. (12) Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings...they did it by killing all those who oppose them. (11) We put the "k" in "kwality". (10) 2 days without a human rights violation. (9) Your job is STILL better than asking "You want fries with that?". (8) We build great products when we feel like it and don't have any reason to call in sick. (7) If at first you don't succeed, try management. (6) Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself. (5) The beatings will continue until morale improves. (4) Pride, Commitment, Teamwork.  Words we use to get you to work for free. (3) If at first you don't succeed, delegate it. (2) Plagiarism saves time... And the #1 Inspirational Message Never Heard At Work: (1) Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Mergatroyd ? Do you remember that word?

 

Mergatroyd ? Do you remember that word? Would you believe the spell-checker did not recognize the word, Mergatroyd? Heavens to Mergatroyd! The other day a not so elderly (maybe 75 years old) lady said something to her son about driving a Jalopy; and he looked at her quizzically and said, "What the heck is a Jalopy?" He had never heard of the word jalopy! She knew she was old ...But not that old. Well, I hope you are Hunky Dory when you read this and chuckle. About a month ago, I illuminated some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology and language. These phrases included: Don't touch that dial; Carbon copy; You sound like a broken record; and Hung out to dry.  Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie. We'd put on our best bib and tucker, to straighten up and fly right. Heavens to Betsy! Gee whillikers! Jumping Jehoshaphat! Holy Moley!  We were in like Flynn and living the life of Riley; and even a regular guy couldn't accuse us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill. Not for all the tea in China! Back in the olden days, life used to be swell, but when's the last time anything was swell? Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.; of spats, knickers, fedoras, poodle skirts, saddle shoes, and pedal pushers. Oh, my aching back! Kilroy was here, but he isn't anymore. We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we can say, "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!" or, "This is a fine kettle of fish!" we discover that the words we grew up with, the words that seemed omnipresent, as oxygen, have vanished with scarcely a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards. Poof, go the words of our youth, the words we've left behind. We blink, and they're gone. Where have all those great phrases gone? Long gone: Pshaw, The milkman did it. Hey! It's your nickel. Don't forget to pull the chain. Knee high to a grasshopper. Well, Fiddlesticks! Going like sixty. I'll see you in the funny papers. Don't take any wooden nickels. Wake up and smell the roses. It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than Carter has liver pills. This can be disturbing stuff! (Carter's Little Liver Pills are gone too!) Leaves us to wonder where Superman will find a phone booth. See ya later, alligator! Okidoki. ... You'll notice they left out "Monkey Business"!!!

Last Words Heard

Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation  in heaven They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" ** The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great  doctor of my time, and a great family man." **The sec  ond guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful  husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our  children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say ... LOOK, HE'S MOVING!"

curious one-liners

Curious Oneliners  1.. Recessions are started by people who fear recessions.

2.  The real cause of divorce is marriage.3.   When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.4. Recession: A period when you go without things your grandparents never heard of.5.  I chose the path less traveled, but only because I was lost.6.  Don't judge people by their relatives.  7.  You can pick your friends, but not your family.8.  Not he, who has much, is rich, but he who gives much.9.  Work when you should and play all the time.10.  The police can do a search if it's warranted.11.  Join the IRS! Be Audit You Can Be!12. Life is really like a shower. One wrong turn and you're in hot water.13.  A woman who dresses to kill probably cooks the same way. 

confusion

     If you are a regular reader of my two blogs you probably have noticed some confusion recently.  Some of this is a result of computer problems which have often been hard to correct.  Some of this is probably related to some physical challenges I am facing.  It has been difficult to maintain these blogs with these new challenges.   So I don't know what the future holds but I want to thank you for your past support and prayers.

Sick Daughter

          A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened. The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."
          The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this." She bowed her head and asked God to send her help.
          Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head. The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?" But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful. The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.
          She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
          He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened. She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man."
          The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour."
          The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, "Oh, thank you, God ! You even sent me a Professional!" 

New Skills

     There are times in life when we are forced to learn new skills, not because we want to, but because we are forced to.  Admission to physical rehabs has done this.

     One thing I am learning is how to operate a wheel chair.  Monitoring steps has become a challenge. Dealing with inconsistent walkers can present a major challenge.  Some will go out of their way to hold doors for you while others seem to enjoy cutting you off and getting in your way,  Sadly there are few surprises.  Courtesy is no longer common.

     Climbing steps with a wheelchair can be difficult.  So much to learn!

Beware!

Beware of old women.  They can be devious.

 

A police officer pulled a woman over for speeding and had the following exchange:

 

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

 

Driver: I don't have one.  I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI (Driving Under the Influence).

 

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

 

Driver: It's not my car.  I stole it.

 

Officer: The car is stolen?

 

Driver: That's right.  But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

 

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

 

Driver: Yes sir.  That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

 

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

 

Driver: Yes, sir.

 

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by more police cars, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation.

 

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

 

Driver: Sure.  Here it is.

 

It was valid.

 

Captain: Who's car is this?

 

Driver: It's mine, officer.  Here's the registration.

 

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

 

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

 

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

 

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk?  I was told you said there's a body in it.

 

Driver: No problem.

 

The trunk was opened; no body.

 

Captain: I don't understand it.  The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

 

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.

Merry Christmas

   The last few months have been times of learning to trust the Lord more fully and experience His daily provision during times of unexpected challenges. We have seen the best and the worst of rehabilitation facilities and miracles only the Lord could do.

     Dianne spent two helpful weeks in rehab following knee replacement surgery.  Barry had some unfortunate experiences during four of the five visits which he had.  He was finally released from Tandem Living, a good rehab, on December 20, but he still needs more healing and daily care.

     However, we do rejoice in the many miracles we have experienced. through this long and unexpected journey.  God is so good!

     God continues to bless our family.  He has given us a second grandson, Luke has joined Malachi and his parents Dr. Daniel and Taylor Cetnar.  Uncle Dr. Joshua is doing medical research and his wife has had a good year teaching high school chemistry in New Jersey.  Noah graduated with a degree in optometry and is now working in two eye offices in Pennsylvania.

     Tim and Wendy's children are working on their college degrees. Chloe just finished her dissertation at the University of Maryland,      The last few months have been times of learning to trust the Lord more fully and experience His daily provision during times of unexpected challenges. We have seen the best and the worst of rehabilitation facilities and miracles only the Lord could do.

     Dianne spent two helpful weeks in rehab following knee replacement surgery.  Barry had some unfortunate experiences during four of the five visits which he had.  He was finally released from Tandem Living, a good rehab, on December 20, but he still needs more healing and daily care.

     However, we do rejoice in the many miracles we have experienced. through this long and unexpected journey.  God is so good!

     God continues to bless our family.  He has given us a second great grandson, Luke has joined Malachi and his parents Dr. Daniel and Taylor Cetnar.  Uncle Dr. Joshua is doing medical research and his wife has had a good year teaching high school chemistry in New Jersey.  Noah graduated with a degree in optometry and is now working in two eye offices in Pennsylvania.

     Tim and Wendy's children are working on their college degrees. Chloe just finished her dissertation at the University of Maryland,  Lexie just had her first book published at Susquehanna.  Brodie is completing his first year at Messiah majoring in microbiology.

      Because of all our time with doctors our times to minister have become very limited and Barry may be forced to give up his weekly blogs.  But we are very thankful for the many opportunities this has provided worldwide over the years.  God is so good.

        We pray that you have a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and a blessed NEW YEAR.  

Mid Life

A few thoughts to prepare you for mid life.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget.

You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun -- and fun a lot more work.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that the worst time for a guy to get those odds?

You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

Are You Special?

It was a good time to be born and grow up.

 

The 1% Age Group"...

This special group was born between 1930 & 1946 = a 16-year span.   In 2022, the age range is between 76 & 92.

You are in the smallest group of children born since the early 1900's.

You are the last generation, climbing out of the Depression, who can remember the winds of war and the impact of a world at war that rattled the structure of our daily lives for years.

You are the last to remember ration books for everything from gas to sugar to shoes to stoves.

You saved tin foil and poured fat into tin cans.

You can remember milk being delivered to your house early in the morning and placed in the "milk box" on the porch.

You are the last generation who spent childhood without television; instead, you "imagined" what you heard on the radio.

With no TV until the 1950's, you spent your childhood "playing outside." There was no Little League.

There was no city playground for kids.

The lack of television in your early years meant that you had little real understanding of what the world was like.

Telephones were one to a house, often shared (party lines), and hung on the wall in the kitchen (no cares about privacy).

Computers were called calculators; they were hand-cranked.

Typewriters were driven by pounding fingers, throwing the carriage, and changing the ribbon.

'INTERNET' and 'GOOGLE' were words that did not exist.

Newspapers and magazines were written for adults, and the news was broadcast on your radio in the evening.

 

New highways would bring jobs and mobility.

The radio network expanded from 3 stations to thousands.
 
Your parents were suddenly free from the confines of the depression and the war, and they threw themselves into working hard to make a living for their families.
 
You weren't neglected, but you weren't today's all-consuming family focus.
 
They were glad you played by yourselves.
 
They were busy discovering the postwar world.
 
You entered a world of overflowing plenty and opportunity; a world where you were welcomed, enjoyed yourselves, felt secure in your future although the depression and poverty was deeply remembered.
 
Polio was still a crippler.
 
You came of age in the '50s and '60s.
 
You are the last generation to experience an interlude there were no threats to our homeland.
 
The second world war was over and the cold war, terrorism, global warming, and perpetual economic insecurity had yet to haunt life with unease.
 
Only your generation can remember both a time of great war and a time when our world was secure and full of bright promise and plenty.
 
You grew up at the best possible time, a time when the world was getting better.... 

 

More than 99% of you are retired and you should feel privileged to have "lived in the best of times!"

 

If you have already reached the age of 80 years old, you have outlived 99% of all the other people currently in the world! "You are a 1%'er"!

I qualify, do you?

God Forgive Me When I Whine

Today, upon a bus,

I saw a girl with golden hair.
I envied her, she seemed so gay,
And I wished I was as fair.

When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and used a crutch.
But as she passed, she gave a smile.

Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 legs, the world is mine.

I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.

And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I'm blind."

Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 eyes, the world is mine.

Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child with eyes of blue.
He stood and watched the others play.
He seemed not to know what to do.

I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join the others dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
And then I knew he couldn't hear.

Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 ears, the world is mine.

With feet to take me where I'd go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine

Something for each of us to remember.  God knows and He cares!.