More Lexophilia Part 2

          Although not in the dictionary, it is reported that "Lexophile" describes a person who loves sentences such as, "You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish," and "To write with a broken pencil is pointless."

   

 The annual 'New York Times' competition was held, and here are this year's best original submissions:

 

 - I changed my iPod's name to Titanic.  It's syncing now.

 - England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

 - Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

 - This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.

 - I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

 - A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

 - When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

 - I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

 - A dentist and a manicurist married.  They fought tooth and nail.

 - A will is a dead giveaway.

 - Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

 - A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

 - The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

 - He had a photographic memory, but it was never fully developed.

 - When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

- Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

 - I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

 - Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils.

 - When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

 - When chemists die, they barium

 - Stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

 - I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

~ A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.

~ A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

~ He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

~ The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

~ Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

~ When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

~ Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

~ Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

~ Acupuncture is a jab well done.

~ Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.