Meaningless Words

Sometimes the things that we say are really meaningless and although we don't want them to be, we just don't realize it.  This often happens when we are trying to comfort someone who has just experienced a death or a tragedy.  Often the first things that come to our mind are clichés.  Here are three that I've learned to try to avoid.  First there is "I know just how you feel".  But unless you have gone through the very same situation, you really don't know.  So please don't say this unless your situation was exactly the same as the person you are trying to comfort.  Otherwise it is meaningless and it hurts rather than helps the person facing the present sorrow.  Then there is the well meant but meaningless statement, "If there is anything I can do for you, just let me know."  At my mother's funeral we heard this so often that we developed a reply.  We said, "Please invite my dad out for a meal and visit him once in awhile in the days ahead.  He'll be lonely."   But we wasted our breath.  Only one non relative has taken him out to eat and the only non family visitors appear to be those who come to have him do their income tax - which he does free.  After a few weeks the sorrowing one is generally forgotten.  If you really want to help - just do it, don't wait to be asked.  All people have needs and they usually don't want to ask for help.  We still remember the family that showed up unannounced at our house the week of the funeral and without asking they raked all of our leaves.  What a special gift that was and we have never forgotten it.  We also remember the family that brought us a large platter of cold meats and cheese as well as rolls.  That was such a blessing during a time when nobody felt like preparing meals for our family.  So instead of saying "let me know", just do something!  Otherwise your words are meaningless.  Finally there is the most common comment "I'll be praying for you!"  Really, that is a tremendous promise, if it is really sincere.  But I've come to realize that there are very few prayer warriors around.  It is so easy to be so spiritual and say this when we know that we will remember the person and his needs in a few fleeting comments before the Lord until we've soon forgotten about it.  It's sort of like saying to a person "How are you doing?" and then walking away before they can answer.  You don't really want to be bothered, you just want to be polite and then move along.  I wonder, however, if the Lord will hold us accountable for all of our promises to pray for someone when our words are often meaningless.   Now I admit I have been guilty of speaking meaningless words but having gone through some sorrow and tragedy, I have become much more aware of what I say and do.  Comforting a person can be difficult but let's make sure that we are honest before the person and the Lord when we do so.  Otherwise our comfort is meaningless.