One of the common responses to those in need is, "if you ever need anything just let me know". Now the person who says that usually is 99% sure that the person will never contact them and ask for a favor. It may sound nice and make you feel good saying it, but it is a "cop-out" and to the person in need it is usually a meaningless response.
When my mother was killed in a car accident, we got so tired of hearing that comment that we decided to respond with a specific suggestion that during the months ahead they should take dad out for a meal at least once. A few did, the majority did not. Most never visited him or even contacted him. I can only hope that a few remembered to at least pray for him.
Now there were a few folks who stepped up and helped without even being asked. Some brought food which was so appreciated especially when none of our family felt much like preparing meals. But the most appreciated response came from a family that just showed up at our house, unannounced, and cleaned up all of our November leaves. It was a major job that took them many hours and they did an amazing job. I won't share their names, but those who attended our church would be shocked if they knew who it was. These responses meant so much more than those who said we should call if we needed anything.
We have had similar situations with some recent physical challenges which we encountered. My wife suddenly developed a very bad case of shingles and then on top of this a very bad case of trigeminal neuritis. She is still in terrible pain and has missed church for several weeks. She did get a few very nice get well cards and a couple of e-mails encouraging her. But several others who talked to her shared their "horror stories" about their experiences with shingles. And one person even "encouraged" her by saying that she had them four times! Just what my wife wanted to hear while she was enduring the pain.
Then there were the responses and non-responses to my back problems. Even though I was forced to use a cane for about nine months, only a few people ever inquired about my problem. Most just ignored me. A few people in passing said "how are you doing?" and since I knew they didn't really want to stop and listen I would usually reply "hanging in there". If they hung around long enough to even hear a reply from me, they either said nothing or else "that's good". After all, they didn't really care.
Even when my surgery was scheduled, I decided to only share it with my family and a few folks who seemed concerned and might actually pray for me. But even that was discouraging. Some responded with "horror" stories. One person shared with me that her husband had similar surgery and while the back pain was gone, he can no longer walk properly. Great! Another told me about a friend who had to repeat the surgery several times and now was going to pain management regularly. A few others told stories about friends who still live in pain despite the surgery. I didn't need to hear any of that. I don't know if they were trying to warn me or encourage me. But what they did was discourage me. So I stopped telling folks about the surgery.
But I don't want to be too negative. Three different pastor friends from out of the area talked to me and prayed with me before the surgery. It was uplifting to know that at least these three would care enough to contact me and pray with me. There were other folks, especially my relatives, who really were praying and I felt it. Many of them kept in contact with me and I so appreciated their concern and support.
Now I am sure that I have often been guilty over the years in responding poorly to people's needs. But the Lord has been teaching me to listen to those with needs. He is teaching me not to say "I understand" when I've never walked in their shoes. He is teaching me to pray for and with them. He is teaching me to look for practical ways to help them. But I still have so much to learn in being an encourager. And the Lord has provided me with personal experiences to help me understand what it is like to be the one with needs.
My prayer is that I might be a better and more faithful encourager. There certainly is a need for that in the body of Christ today.
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