Get the news!

          The old riddle was "what is white and red (read) all over?"  The answer, of course, is the newspaper.  But some newspapers are no longer just white and most probably aren't read "all over".
          Newspapers have always been an important part of my life.  Over the years I have worked on the editorial staffs of the Lititz Record Express (8 years), the Lancaster Sunday News (27 years) and the Sunbury Daily Item (1 year).  Growing up I used to write and make my own newspapers.  However, when I was in high school I wasn't good enough to be on the staff of the school newspaper, but that is a different story for another time.  I was yearbook editor however.
          But newspapers are changing.  Many are going out of business or merging.  Most news is now available on the internet.  In fact, when we are away I read our local newspaper on the internet, free of charge because I am a subscriber to the print edition.  Unfortunately, our local newspaper has gone down hill in recent years.  There is actually little news in it now and much more white space.  They've just added color to the comics to try to spark some interest, but I seldom read the comics.  And now they only have one editorial viewpoint and that is usually the liberal viewpoint.  Maybe, after being a subscriber for decades I may soon do like many others have done and cancel my subscription.  Time will tell.
          But who reads newspapers today?  Probably not the younger generation.  Maybe it is just we old-timers.  Well recently somebody sent me their opinion of who still reads them and I am sharing that with you for your enjoyment ... I hope.

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie chart format.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave LA to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy, as long as they are democrats.

10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.

11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.