Here Comes The Judge!

Last week I completed my tenth turn as Judge of Elections for the Manor New East precinct. We had exactly 1,000 voters or about 51% of our registered voters participate. It is not an easy job. Each time I am required to attend a boring two-hour training session for which I receive $5. I spend Saturday and Sunday preparing the books, making signs, filling out forms and getting things ready. Monday I spend most of the day setting up equipment, signs, and tables. I must post all sorts of signs (3 copies of each) of federal rules - in Spanish and in English. Incidentally, in ten elections I have yet to see one person read these. But the law requires it to be done. On the day of election I get there at 6 am to get things ready, make sure the equipment is working, and to swear in my staff. (Notice that I said swear in, not swear at - I have an excellent staff!) My day ends about 10 pm, if I am fortunate, when I transport the results and ballots to the election collection office. Wednesday is devoted to cleaning up and returning keys. During these ten elections I have learned how to complete and use envelopes lettered from A to K, how to handle absentee ballots and provisional ballots, how to assist the handicapped, how to complete affirmation of voter forms, how to handle folks who aren't in our books or have come to the wrong location, how to work with poll watchers, and how to handle many other problems that I never wanted to handle. Now you might not think that 39 years of teaching would be good preparation for the life as a Judge of Elections. But I think it does. First, because teachers must waste precious hours filling out forms. But, more importantly, once you've taught kids who don't listen and can't follow directions, you anticipate that as adults they really won't change too much. And they don't! I spent election day watching folks ignore the signs, often entering the rear exit and leaving the front entrance. And I don't expect them to obey the signs which say wait here for your turn or take your ballot to this location to be scanned. And then there are the signs which say turn off your cell phones. But you hear them ringing and you hear people chatting on them while they are in the voting booths. Maybe next time I'll get mean and actually confiscate their cell phones. Maybe I could give them detention for disobeying the rules - oh that is right, I'm not in school anymore. And, of course, there are those who vote for more candidates than permitted or can't fill in the little blocks properly. One man even tried to scan his ballot before he filled it in. Oh yes, I've also learned how to handle spoiled ballots - there is a separate envelope for those. This year one of the parties sent out information with the wrong voting location on it, even though we've been here for five elections. Fortunately, that didn't create too much of a problem, but many were confused about where to go - at least those who actually read the information. Again there were some who complained that we had changed from the location from where they used to vote - about twelve elections ago - where have they been? And of course there are those who tell us I must change the ballot because it includes Spanish and that offends them. Maybe I should petition the national government to change the law. But I guess I am an easy person to blame - that's why I make so much money doing this. And then there is the local television station which showed how to vote on the machines in Lancaster County, but at the end they showed a tape on the printer and said that folks would get this as a receipt. That is wrong. The receipt is on the end of the ballot. And guess what? One voter tore off the "zero tape" on the printer, claiming that was his receipt. Another was upset that her vote wouldn't count since we didn't give her something from the printer and WGAL-TV said that she would get that. And why should they believe me? I'm just a puppet of the system not a reliable news reporter. Then there are the dozen or more voters who show up and are not in the books because they got married or moved. They all claim to have requested the changes, but they've not been made. One was married ten years ago. Now did they request the change or did the registration office make the mistake? Who knows, everyone tells the truth, right? Oh well, that is why we get the "big bucks" to deal with mistakes made by others. But one of the "best" incidents came when a gentleman actually dismantled one of our voting booths since he didn't realize that you just had to walk around to the back of it to use it. That was a first in my ten experiences and I am sure that there will be many more "firsts" in future elections, if I survive to continue as Judge. Thirteen straight hours of dealing with the public can be very long. As my grandson says after his dealings with the public, "People are idiots". Actually the idiots are the 49% who stayed home and the many more who didn't even register. Despite my experiences, we can be proud of our system here in this country. Decisions can still be made by the public and not by dictators or revolutions and we can freely and privately vote our preferences without fear for our lives or of retaliation. That is why I am still willing to give of my time to serve. (Although it would be nice sometime to have a voter say "thank you" or "you do a good job". But that isn't human nature.)