I Am Losing!

Yes, I admit it. I am losing the battle. It is the same battle that many homeowners, like me, who love to feed the birds, fight constantly. It's the battle against the squirrels. It's almost unfair. They have all the advantages– they are smarter than I am and they are so athletic. My fight with them has gone on for years and I've tried every legal tactic that I can think of, and I keep losing. I'd love to get a shotgun, but then I'd probably be fined or thrown in jail, and they'd just keep on feeding. I think my bird feeders have become the buffet for all area squirrels. I think some of the squirrels might even be carrying signs that say, "Kauffman Buffet, this way!" I've tried to block their path to the feeders with rolling pieces of pipe – unsuccessful. I've tried to grease their path with Vasoline and even Vicks – unsuccessful. However, it did make my hands very sticky and smelly. I bought a squirrel-proof feeder in which, because of the spring action, the holes would close when a squirrel would get on it – they broke the springs and chewed the plastic and then dumped the feed on the ground for their friends. I bought a second one and placed it farther from the tree. They learned to get on that one as well and tilt it in such a way that the feed again fell on the ground. That one is still hanging there – empty. Finally I bought a bigger and stronger squirrel proof feeder that has protected openings that are to prevent the squirrels from getting to the food. But again, they learned to tilt the feeder and pour the food on the ground. Finally I bought a squirrel baffle and placed it above the squirrel proof feeder. As advertised, when a squirrel would try to get around it, it would tilt and they would slide off. I was sure that this would work. But it didn't. Our athletic squirrels learned to take a long jump from the trunk of the tree and land right on the feeder. If it were gymnastics, they would probably earn a 10 for this event. It is bad enough that they beat me and get the food that I buy for our birds. But it is even worse that they sit in the trees with a smirk on their faces when they see me. I think I can even hear them saying, "Sir, you are really a loser. You can't beat us no matter how you try. So give in and admit the loss. And while you are at it, please improve the quality of our meal and add some peanuts." But, while they are beating me, I do have one final weapon. I have a squirrel trap. And it works, except for the time that I caught a skunk. But that is a story for another day. Now I must remember to close it at night. A few weeks ago I quickly caught two. Victory? For a few days it appeared that I had finally won. Then I found the food spilled again. But I didn't give up. I caught two more. Now I assumed that I was finally the winner! Then one morning I looked out and saw two more enjoying the buffet. I think they may even have waved to me. Did they find their way back home? I hear that is quite possible, even though I've taken them several miles away and across the Conestoga River. I would love to paint their tails to see if they are the same ones, but that might get me arrested. Then I would really lose. So, instead, I am keeping the trap set and hauling them away. Maybe they would enjoy York County, across the Susquehanna River. I am losing, but the battle isn't over. Stay tuned.

P.S. - I caught number five yesterday but he is still in Lancaster County. He wasn't willing to pay for my gas for a taxi ride to York County! And guess what - one was back this morning enjoying my food. And the trap is now reset with fresh peanut butter. I won't give up ... yet.