Welcome to my blog, or should I say to the ramblings of an old man. I doubt that my ramblings are of much value, but at least I have an opportunity to share them.  So, please be kind and humor me. If nothing else of value stands out in these thoughts, I hope that you at least sense the value I place on a daily walk with the Lord.  That walk is what has provided me with motivation and a sense of purpose throughout my lifetime.  My prayer is that you, too, are experiencing this direction and joy in daily living which is available to everyone who puts his trust in Christ.  So, thanks again for joining me.  Please don't go without leaving some comments here so I can get to know you better as our paths intersect today in this blog.

Saturday, August 31, 2024

To Give Or Not To Give?

"Looking Back" is a feature in which I choose a previous blog which I have written, rewrite it and share it once again.  This one was first posted in 2013.   


         On Sunday, following morning worship, we made our traditional trip to Wendy's for lunch.  As we entered the store, I noticed a rather heavy, black young lady sitting by herself at one of the front tables.  I assumed that she was waiting for somebody to come and eat with her.  
          When we received our order, we passed by her on the way to our table and, while she glanced at us, we really didn't think more about it at the time.  Then I discovered that the clerk had given me the wrong drink, which was the third straight order she had messed up.  So, I went back to the counter to get the correct drink.  

         On the way back to my table the young lady quietly asked me if I could buy her something to eat.  She was so quiet that I had to ask her to repeat her question.  Now I am not in the habit of giving things to folks who are begging and so I replied as I normally do, with a no.  

         When I returned to my table, we noticed that every once in awhile she glanced back at us.  And she also didn't stop and ask anybody else who passed by.  We couldn't help but wonder why we would be the only ones that she asked.  Then the thought struck me that we were wearing our Awana uniforms that morning.  Because Awana starts this week, all the Awana leaders were asked to wear their uniforms that day. 
          Now we have often met former clubbers who have recognized us. Even just last week we had a clerk, a former clubber, who recognized our association with Awana because of our shopping bags.  So now I am wondering if she was a former clubber who recognized us or if she just recognized our uniforms.  Or, maybe the Lord just put us there to help her out. 

         The change from our meal was $3.00 so I began to feel the urge to at least give her that.  She could certainly choose a couple items off their value menu for that amount.  After some hesitation, I went to her and gave her the money and she thanked me.  
          Then we watched to see what she would do with it.  Twice she went up to order, but both times she went to the wrong end of the counter.  It looked like she didn't know what to do.  Then she finally realized that she had to get in the line and she did that.  But every time she neared the front, she let somebody behind her go ahead.  We didn't know if she couldn't figure out what she could get for $3 or if she could even read.  I realize now that I should have just gone and purchased something for her.  
          We were actually done with our meal when she finally made a purchase - a large wa
ffle ice cream cone.  Then she left and the last we saw of her she was walking across the parking lot.

         Was she in need?  I really don't know.  However, I have recently read accounts of the many homeless, including teens, in the Lancaster area and I have never done anything for them. It is so sad. Did I do it because she might have recognized us or Awana?  I'm really not sure.  But what difference should that have made?  If we are Christians then our actions should identify us, not our clothing.   
         Should I have handled things differently or better?  Probably, but it is always easy to be a "Monday morning quarterback".  However, the scripture from Hebrews 13:1,2 (The Message) has been going through my mind.  "Be ready with a meal or a bed when it's needed. Why, some have extended hospitality to angels without ever knowing it!" 

          Now, was she an angel?  I really doubt it.  But today I am glad that I at least gave her something, even if it was just an ice cream cone.



Saturday, August 24, 2024

Seminar

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?" Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember. The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart."

Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with another woman and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.

Below are hilarious 12 replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love... Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?

1. Who is this?

2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?

4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?

5. I don't understand what you mean?

6. What did you do now?

8. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?

9. Am I dreaming?

10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.

12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?


Kinda tugs at the heart, doesn't it?!

Saturday, August 17, 2024

Growing Old


  "If you want to know how old a woman is, ask her sister-in-law."  (Eva Gabor)

 

"Old age comes at a bad time." (Ed Sullivan)

 

"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened."  (Stevie Wonder)

 

"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm.  Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do about it."  (Golda Meir)

 

"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.  (Mark Twain)

 

"I'm at that age where my back goes out more than I do."  (Phyllis Diller)

 

"Nice to be here?  At my age, it's nice to be anywhere."  (George Burns)

 

"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up; then, you forget to pull your zipper down."  (Rob Reiner)

 

"You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you're actually not THAT tired."  (Princess Grace) 

 

"Old people shouldn't eat Health foods.  They need all the preservatives they can get."  (Bob Hope)

 

"At my age, flowers scare me."  (George Burns)

 

"It's like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit."  (Ed Sullivan)

 

"The years between 55 and 75 are the hardest.  You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down."  (T.S Elliot)

 

 "At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don't care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all."  (Ann Landers) 

 

"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist.  When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric.  Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I'm labeled senile."  (Milton Berle) 

 

"The important thing to remember is that I'm probably going to forget."  (Martin Scorsese)

 

"We don't grow older, we grow riper."  (Pablo Picasso)

 

"It's paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone."  (Andy Rooney)

 

"The older I get, the better I used to be."  (Lee Trevino)

 

"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me — they're cramming for their final exam."  (George Carlin) 

 

"Everything seems to slow down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips."  (Elizabeth Taylor)

 

"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old."  (Mark Twain)

 

"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks."  (Dennis Quaid)

 

"There's one advantage to being 102, there's no peer pressure."  (Adam & Eve)

 

"There are three stages in man's Life: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus."  (Leon Phillips)

 

"Looking fifty is great — if you're sixty."  (Joan Rivers)

 

"Time may be a great Healer, but it's a lousy Beautician."   (Zsa Zsa Gabor)

Saturday, August 10, 2024

More prayers to be answered

          And the story continues.  My wife had her surgery and all appeared to go well.  But she developed pain in her lower back which is worse than her pain from her new knee.

          Unfortunately, the medical group at the rehab didn't know what was causing the pain or how to treat it.  Their only recommendation was to go to a doctor who had worked on her back years previously.  But it would take several months to get an appointment with him and then we would need to travel about 40 miles to be seen.  That was not a realistic option when she was in so much pain.  Pain pills and a medical rub helped some.

          Then on Wednesday a committee reviewed her situation.  Their decision was because her physical therapy was going so well, they could only keep her until Monday.  The back pain would not qualify for a longer stay.  We were told this an hour after we had been told  by the doctor that they could extend her stay for the rest of the week.  Because of Medicare's rules they had to reverse what we were told.

          In addition, without asking us, they moved her meeting with her surgeon from Tuesday back to Monday.  We had already made plans for my transportation to the doctor visit. Those plans now had to be scrapped and we did not have an alternate plan.

          So, we bargained and argued with the doctor and staff.  And once again we joined several of our friends in praying for a reversal.  And yesterday it was finally granted.

          So, the current plan is to take Dianne to see her surgeon on Monday.  Then she will return to rehab and be "kicked out" on Wednesday.  Then we pray that I can take care of her at home and that somehow her pain goes away.

          Impossible?  Yes, for me, but not for God!


Saturday, August 3, 2024

God Still Answers - In His time

          It has been a challenging week and God has been very busy.  He has once again taken care of many challenges for us.
          This was the week that Dianne was scheduled for knee replacement surgery.  Because of her heart problems she had many heart hoops to get through.  PTL, she was able to get through all of them and surgery went off as scheduled.
          However the operating rooms ran into computer problems and her surgery was delayed over two hours while they changed her operating room.  But the change was made and eventually the surgery went on and was successful.

          Then we were concerned about how I would make out at the hospital, getting around while using a wheelchair.  Then two of my sons stepped up and stayed with me both days.  They were a great help in so many ways.  I thank the Lord for them and His continued answers to our prayers.

          But there was another major obstacle.  It was obvious that I needed help to care for her and it seemed to be against current Medicare rules.  We seemed io be out of ideas.  They were getting ready to release her to my care at home.  Then suddenly they found a great location with an opening and Medicare's approval.  And within a few hours she was transported to the Lancaster Rehabilitation Center where she can be cared for up to 10 or 15 days if needed.  That was a genuine answer to prayer.

         Now she is having some nasty reactions to the drugs she is being given for pain.  That is probably expected but God knows all about it.  One by one He is answering our prayers.  I still have some transportation problems buy I know that in His time He will deal with those.  In fact while writing this, my need for the next two days has been resolved. God is so good – all the time!

          Thank you for your prayers – they still work.It has been a challenging week and God has been very busy.  He has once again taken care of many challenges for us.

          

Saturday, July 27, 2024

Discouragement

               This past week I read a devotional by David Jeremiah that met a particular need that I have been dealing with.  Since I assume that many of my readers may have the same battle, I thought I'd share it with you.

          
"It's natural to become discouraged, but it's unhealthy to stay that way.  Satan loves to utilize the giant discouragement to cast down our faith and progress.  John Bunyan called it Giant Despair in his classic The Pilgrim's Progress and it imprisoned Christian until he found the Key of Promise in his clothing.

          If Giant Despair has you in his dungeon today, remember you have the key to escape.  It's inside your Bible, found in one of the hundreds of promises God has given you.  For example, you can claim Joshua 1:9 which says, "Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

          Discouragement is the temptation to evaluate your momentary circumstances apart from the overarching plan of God for your life.  God is a God of encouragement.  As soon as you become discouraged, cry out to Him in prayer and ask for His help.  God wants to hear your prayers, even when discouraged.  He will answer and bring encouragement to your heart."

          I don't know if you need that reminder, but I do  My wife is facing knee replacement surgery on July 31 and unless Medicare or the Lord provide help, I will need to care for her.  Physically I'm not sure that I can do that.  Then two days ago I fell in a parking lot while onloading our walkers from our van.  Thankfully I did not break anything, but I am bruised and aching and am having difficulty walking.  But I know that the Lord knows this and He will provide the strength and help that we need.  I will appreciate your prayers.
           

I close this blog with one of my favorite hymns.

(1)   Is there a heart o'erbound by sorrow?

Is there a life weighed down by care?

Come to the cross, each burden bearing—

All your anxiety, leave it there.

All your anxiety, all your care,

Bring to the mercy seat, leave it there;

Never a burden He cannot bear,

Never a friend like Jesus!

 

(2)   No other friend so keen to help you,

No other friend so quick to hear;

No other place to leave your burden,

No other one to hear your prayer. 

All your anxiety, all your care,

Bring to the mercy seat, leave it there;

Never a burden He cannot bear,

Never a friend like Jesus!

 

(3)    Come then at once, delay no longer!

Heed His entreaty kind and sweet;

You need not fear a disappointment,

You shall find peace at the mercy seat.

All your anxiety, all your care,

Bring to the mercy seat, leave it there;

Never a burden He cannot bear,

Never a friend like Jesus!

 

             


Saturday, July 20, 2024

Keep Cool!


FUN RIDDLES TO HELP YOU BEAT THE HEAT!

Answers are at the bottom. Don't peek!

 

1. The maker doesn't want it; the buyer doesn't use it; and the user doesn't see it. What is it?

 

2. A child is born in Boston, Massachusetts to parents who were both born in Boston, Massachusetts. The child is not a United States citizen. How is this possible?

 

3. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?

 

4. Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet her birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

 

5. Captain Frank and some of the boys were exchanging old war stories. Art Bragg offered one about how his grandfather led a battalion against a German division during World War I. Through brilliant maneuvers he defeated them and captured valuable territory. After the battle he was presented with a sword bearing the inscription: "To Captain Bragg for Bravery, Daring, and Leadership. World War One. From the Men of Battalion 8." Captain Frank looked at Art and said, "You really don't expect anyone to believe that yarn, do you?" What's wrong with the story?

 

6. What is one thing that all wise men, regardless of their religion or politics, agree is between heaven and earth?

 

7. In what year did Christmas and New Year's fall in the same year?

 

8. A woman from New York married ten different men from that city, yet she did not break any laws. None of these men died and she never divorced. How was this possible?

 

9. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more than 1989 American dollar bills?

 

10. How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?

 

11. A taxi driver was called to take a group of passengers to the train station. The station is normally an hour away, but with traffic being extra heavy, it took a full hour and a half. On the return trip the traffic was still as heavy and yet it took only 90 minutes. Why?

 

12. How could you rearrange the letters in the words "new door" to make one word? Note: There is only one correct answer.

 

13. Even if they are starving, natives living in the Arctic will never eat a penguin's egg. Why not?

 

14. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

 

15. In Okmulgee, Oklahoma, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

 

16. There were an electrician and a plumber waiting in line for admission to the "International Home Show". One of them was the father of the other's son. How could this be possible?

 

17. After the new Canon Law that took effect on November 27, 1983, would a Roman Catholic man be allowed to marry his widow's sister?

 

============================================

 

============================================

 

**  The Answers  **

 

1. A coffin

2. The child was born before 1776

3. Mount Everest, it just hadn't been discovered!

4. Clara lives in the southern hemisphere.

5. World War I wasn't called "World War I" until World War II.

6. The word "and"

7. They fall in the same year every year, New Year's Day just arrives very early in the year and Christmas arrives very late in the same year.

8. The lady was a Justice of the Peace.

9. One thousand nine hundred and ninety dollar bills are worth one dollar more than one thousand nine hundred and eighty-nine dollar bills.

10. Only once, then you are subtracting it from 20.

11. An hour and a half IS 90 minutes.

12. "one word"

13. Penguins live in the Antarctic.

14. Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow.

15. You have to take a picture of a man with a camera, not with a wooden leg.

16. They were husband and wife.

17. He can't because he's dead.

 

STAY COOL!

Saturday, July 13, 2024

Encouraging Reactions

          What do you do to encourage somebody who is going to have surgery?

          The best thing might be to pray for them, or even better yet, with them.  It is encouraging to know that you have a team taking you before the Lord, the true Great Physician.  What a blessing to have friends who pray.

          Don't forget to actually pray.  It is easy to make promises and then forget them.

          Depending how close you live to them, there are many little things that take little time but are really helpful – bringing their daily newspaper to the front door, getting their mail, watering their flowers, bringing their trash cans back to the house, or just making a short personal visit.

          Depending on the condition of the patient, they might appreciate a meal, some help with light house cleaning, some small help with minor repairs, some grocery shopping or other things that are part of normal life.
          There are so many simple things that would be meaningful to a person facing surgery.

          Now what shouldn't you do?  Don't tell them stories of those who suffered through serious pain or failed operations.  The patient doesn't need to hear all of these sad stories, even if they happened to you.  But believe me, these horror stories are the ones most share and they are not the least bit encouraging.  Don't people think about what they are sharing?

          And after surgery there are many things that the patient may need.  Don't forget them in their time of rehabilitation and slow return to normal life.

          Now Dianne is preparing for knee replacement surgery on July 31.  We are concerned because with my recent physical challenges, I will not be able to care for her.  Going to a rehab might not be possible due to Medicare rules.  So, we will see how the Lord provides.  And, we know He will.  And we know He may use some of our friends, like you, to pray and maybe help.

          But please don't share any stories of folks who were worse after their surgeries.  She has already heard too many of those.

Saturday, July 6, 2024

Faithful Servant

"Looking Back" is a feature in which I choose a previous blog which I have written, rewrite it and share it once again.  This one was first posted in 2013. 


(Note – I am sharing a repeat of this blog since my wife will observe her birthday on July 11.) 


          Recently I shared about things that happened in my life 50 years ago. That was an important year in my life.  But after I wrote that, I thought of another important event that happened that year.  
          That event might not seem too important to any of you, but that was the year my bride officially became a member of Faith Bible Fellowship Church in Lancaster.  Before we moved here, she was a member of Emmanuel Bible Fellowship Church in Sunbury and my grandfather, Norman H. Wolf, was her pastor. There she was very active as church pianist
 and as a teacher.

          During the past 50 years she has had a quiet but profound influence on the history and development of our church which was actually founded just 63 years ago.  Her first impact has been on the music.  She had been the church pianist in Sunbury and since her move here she has faithfully played both the piano and organ - solos and accompaniment. She was actually our first organist.  
          In addition, she has sung solos, in duets, trios, quartets and in the choir.  And for about 25 years she arranged the music schedules for all of our weekly worship services.  She has played for most of the weddings, funerals and for other special events.  Working with me, we planned and directed the Christmas Eve service for about 25 years.

         She has been a teacher, teaching children for many years, and, in recent years, teaching Bible studies for women.  She has worked for 32 years as cofounder and head secretary of our Awana program.   She helped teach and lead the senior high program for many years as well as the junior department in Sunday School. She served as an officer in the former Women's Missionary Society and also as a member of several church committees.  She helped start the Young Married Couples Group, the Middlers Fellowship Group, and the Primetimers Group.  Unfortunately, none of these fellowship groups exist today in our church.  She faithfully remembers the birthdays of many of our folks, including children, and many looked forward to the cards she prepared annually.

       For 25 years she served as custodian of our building in Lancaster.  While she did receive some pay for this, she never had a paid vacation in 25 years. A few times family members had to fill in when she really couldn't be there.  That also meant that there often were very late nights to complete the work before we could leave for something like Pinebrook.  It meant cleaning after all big events, such as Bible School, weddings, funerals and special services.  That often included trying to clean up rice after weddings, which is almost impossible, as well as scraping wax off the benches and ironing the carpet to clean up the wax after Candlelight services.  Faithfully she served, behind the scenes, and few ever understood the time and energy that it took her to keep the church so nice and clean for services.

          Now she has never wanted praise or recognition for her service and she will probably be upset about me drawing attention to her.  She did receive a certificate from the church when she retired from cleaning.  But she has quietly served the Lord and His people here for 50 years.    She has been an example of a very faithful servant who has given her life to serving the Lord, often quietly, in the background.  
          I am so proud of what she has done and while she may never be rewarded here on earth, I know the Lord has a crown for her in glory.  And the things that I've mentioned here are just those done with our church.  It doesn't include the 25 years of family ministry, the 40 years of ministry at Pinebrook, teaching community women's Bible studies, or serving on the board of Bible Visuals and the Christian Womens Committees.

         Oh that more folks today would serve faithfully.  Today most won't take the time to do so.  They'd rather pay someone to do the work in church - look at how church staffs have grown.  And things, such as possessions and vacations seem to be more important.  Sports, the shore, and the mountains regularly draw people away from church and service today.  The Lord often seems to get just what is left over.  But in doing that, one misses the blessings that the Lord has for those servants who are faithful, and that is sad.
            Thank you Dianne for your example of a faithful servant.

 


Saturday, June 29, 2024

Strange Answers

Over the years, most teachers have received strange answers to some of their test questions.   Here are a few examples.

 

1.   Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.


2.   The Bible is full of interesting c

aricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"


3.   Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.


4.   Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.


5.   The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.


6.   Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.


7.   Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.


8.   In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.


9.   Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.


10.  Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."


11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.


12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.


13. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.


14. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.


15. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."


16. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.


17. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.


18. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.


19. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.


20. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.


21. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.


22. Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.


23. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.


24. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.


25. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.


26. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.


27. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.


28. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.


29. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.


30. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.


31. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.


32. The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.