Lexophiles

 First, a little brain twister for you:

A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

(Answer below)

Now -

         Lexophile is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location.  Here are some of the best entries.

... When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate

... A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. 

... When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A. 

... The batteries were given out free of charge.

... A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail 

... A will is a dead giveaway.

... With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. 

... A boiled egg is hard to beat.

... When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall. 

... Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. 

... Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?  He's all right now. 

... A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

... When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. 

... The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered. 

... He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

... When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye. 

... Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

 .. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

~ What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)

~ Time flies like an arrow -- Fruit flies like a banana.

~ A backward poet writes inverse.

~ In a democracy, it's your vote that counts;  In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

~ If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

~ With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

~ Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

~ When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

~ The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

~ A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown apart. 

~ You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

~ He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

ANSWER TO BRAIN TWISTER:

The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).

Was that worth waiting for?